Navigating To My Place: Part Two
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Back in April I wrote a post about some of my recent routines, including taking Simon to swimming lessons twice a week and packing his snacks. What began as a post about me evolved into a post about my Mom:
My parents are daily readers of my blog. They have been huge supporters of me in my personal and professional adventures throughout my life and have always been first in line when we needed help taking care of Simon or just needed a break at the beach (and in a million other ways as I was growing up).
My Mom read that post took the time to write some memories about what she was thinking during all those snack-making, carpool-driving days. I'd like to share them with you today. My question is in orange and her response follows.
What was she thinking about when preparing snacks for her three children?
Admitting a loss of memory for the exact thoughts I may have been thinking at the time, I can imagine the possible thoughts and questions going through my mind:
Did she embrace the snack-making?
Yes, I believe I did and was always looking for something nutritious and easy. You may remember, we purchased boxes of fruit roll-ups, peanuts, granola bars, etc. which we kept in the bottom drawer of the china cabinet. We also had lots of fruit: apples, oranges, grapes, and bananas for snacks. My college education in nutrition, as well as the early education in nutrition I received from my own Mother, taught me the importance of healthy snacks. It was a challenge to find foods you liked that were also good for your bodies.
Did she mutter frustrations under her breath?
Yes, at those times when I was tired, or sick, or overwhelmed with schedules. That’s when I would try to concentrate on the gratitude thoughts and prayers. Usually it wasn’t the snack making time that made me “mutter frustration.” It would have been the times when you were arguing with each other or complaining.
Did she long for something else?
I was very happy to be a Mother and very thankful for each of our children. I did not long for a job in my field of Family and Consumer Sciences, yet attempted to keep involved through part-time jobs and volunteer work in case I needed to get a job to help support our family.
I did “long for” a dream house, and spent time looking for that dream house for many years; eventually postponing that dream because it was more important to make sure that all of our children had the opportunity to have an excellent intellectual education as well as a physical and sports education.
My Dad says: “She longed for her families happiness.”
Did she enjoy it?
The challenge to gather the snacks for people I loved and cared for was the most important aspect of my life at that present moment of my life. Looking back I am filled with gratitude that I was healthy and able to help each of you in whatever you needed at that time of your life.
My Dad says: “Of course she did.”
So why am I sharing this here?
I am a collector of stories. A collector of memories and thoughts and
images.These words are a part of my story, of the story of my family.
There's comfort in the universal. There's comfort in the connection that many of us experience as Moms. There's comfort in those daily routines that sometimes (or often) feel monotonous. This is definitely one of the reasons I treasure the process of the Week In The Life project. I have found that forcing myself to focus on, and document, my daily life leads to so many positive self-realizations and profound reasons for celebration (or the awareness that I need to make changes).
We all get to choose our attitude. One of the things I have always admired about my Mom is her attitude. Even when she was challenged, or tired, or just done, and displayed her completely normal frustrations - my overwhelming memories of her from when I was growing up was her positive attitude and how consistent she was at expressing gratitude.
There are patterns I want to repeat. I want to teach my kids about gratitude and living with a positive attitude. I want to live those two concepts so that my kids see them in action and know them as a regular part of their lives.
Our stories are far from perfect. Mistakes have been and will be made. Forgiveness has been granted and new challenges emerge. There have been things to overcome as a family and many things we continue to struggle with today. This is our reality. This is the common human reality. And through all of it, I am thankful for them every single day and want to show them just how much I love them right now.
Invite others to share in your documenting journey. Including other people's voices in my memory keeping efforts lends authenticity and a whole different depth to the pages I create. Send an email, pick up the phone, write a letter - invite someone in your life to share their perspective on the past with you. What you get back may be completely different (and possibly even more wonderful) than you can imagine.
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55 comments
My OLW for 2010 is TRANSFORM, and one of those transformations that I hope to achieve is my attitude. I used to be such an upbeat, positive, glowing person. In the past few years, I have let the routines and schedules and personalities of 3 kiddos weigh me down. So, I want to work back into that better self I used to be. Reading that your Mom focused on her gratitudes and blessings is a great reminder for me. Be sure to thank your Mom for sharing that. It's not that I couldn't have thought of that myself in time, just that I didn't and she was kind enough to share that she had some challenges, too, and survived in a great state of thankfulness.
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I remember your original post and was hoping that your Mom was going to reply. So glad she did :) I love her attitude towards life. I just started a series of blog posts called the ABC's of Life...and "A" is (of course) for Attitude!
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I especially liked your appreciation for generational stories.
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I want to sit down with both of my parents and get them to record their childhood memories and what they remember about their parents. Once they're gone, I want to have their thoughts and voices with me. I also want my DD to be able to see and hear them most of all so she'll know who they were, not just seeing photos and wondering what they were like or having shadowy memories like some people I know who can't remember much from their childhood. I'm getting ready to start a childhood memories journal of my own as a gift for her as well. Without scrapping, I would have never have thought of even doing any of these things.
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Sweet. You are very fortunate to have such loving people.
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Your post made me a little sad. It's great to hear your mother's thoughts on raising children. My mother has dementia and has forgotten a lot of things. There are times when she remembers and that's when I try to jot things down. Why didn't I do this before??
thanks for sharing. I can't wait to see the layouts you come up all those wonderful words of wisdom.
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Your mom is a gem. But, you already know that.
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Ali-I vividly remember reading your original post in April. I was glad to see you circle back to the story with your mom's answers. She is truly a thoughtful, insightful woman. I also love your dad's "to-the-point" answers. Excellent.
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I am the story teller in my house. I rarely get into the pictures, because I am the one taking the pictures. So, I love this idea of getting others' perspective on the story. I have a plan to give both of my parents their own journal for their anniversary coming up next week. I am going to ask them to tell their own stories (whatever they'd like and whatever they remember) in the journals. Then I am going to ask for them back and see how I can incorporate their stories into my stories! I'll let you know how it goes!
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How beautiful that you shared this with us. My mom works in a museum for folklore. She is all about keeping not just memories of the family (she gave me a journal for my 18th Bday where she journaled all kinds of memories while I was growing up) but also historic memories of family/friends/people. She started a little book about how she and her siblings used to play and how kids bdays are celebrated. totally amazing to read! Now she starts a business that helps people from the US to find family/roots in Germany. I am very proud of her.
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Oh Ali, this has really made me think and your Dad's comment “She longed for her families happiness" brought tears to my eyes. What more wonderful words could possibly be uttered about a Mum?
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thank you both for sharing this. i really enjoyed it. thanks for reminding me how big the little things are.
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Your mentions of universal stories, patterns and other voices reminded me of something beautiful:
When my Grandmother died, I found a journal she kept when she was at college and met my Granddad. I am so very thankful to have these jotted notes of her life when she was as old as I was when reading them - they gave me a whole new perspective and made me appreciate she was just like me in so many ways, as she too was once a young woman figuring out what life to live. Her voice speaking to me through all these years formed such a strong connection I will cherish forever.
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Thank you for sharing this Ali and reminding us of what is important. I love how you've documented your Mum's thoughtful and detailed responses, with your Dad "chirping" in along side...espeially where he replied "of course she did". I can imagine my parents responding in this way and even my husband and I too.
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Ali..Thank you for reminding all of us not to forget the little things that make up our daily lifes....I find myself capturing my everyday life more than the BIG days like Christmas ect.My mom and I were talking about this stuff the other day....thanks for a great blog to read daily..
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I love that this is all about a simple, daily task that all moms can relate to! WIth children ages 6 & 8 I have often thought about how my mom felt at each stage when my sisters and I were growing up. Thanks for reminding me that I should just ask her more often! Thanks to your mom, as well! Beautiful!
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This is about your previous post on peeking into Simon's room. Laura Vegas just put up a post yesterday on how fast the time goes, it shows her daughter's 1st day of school for the last 8 years and it is so precious. She really did a good job finding them all and getting them in order. Go take a peek she's over at the CK blog...
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Ali, Your parents seem like wonderful people!
You are so very blessed! How awesome to have such
great people to help you through your life!!!
this is great to have her answers to those questions!
tara
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Wonderful post today. I need the reminder to be positive. I love the "we all can choose our attitude" I always try to be positive, but I can do better with my children.
Thanks for the reminder!
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Ali, I am so glad you are doing this (sharing memories with your mom and preserving them) and I am SO envious. My mom died when I was still a very busy young mother, working full time outside the home, and frazzled. Mom and Daddy also lived many, many miles away and we didn't get much chance to share leisurely conversations and visit often. There was no such thing as a cell phone with "unlimited minutes" and long-distance phone calls were expensive! In recent years I've longed for that kind of interaction with her, to share her memories, to ask her questions, to compare, to receive her advice. What I do have are the values that were deeply instilled, like you, and that I hopefully passed along to my son. It's nice to see him and his wife now attempting to do that with their own daughters. And Ali, thank you for sharing this with us!
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