Third Grade Field Trip

My 8 yr old son's speech therapist has started a social group therapy group for 3 of her patients that have Aspergers and PDD-NOS. It has been wonderful, the boys have really bonded and started to want to do things together outside of therapy. They learn all about social skills and it has really helped our son. He hates when he has to miss it. They all accepted each others quirks and I feel like they can be themselves at speech group. It's one of the best things we have done!

Ali - I don't know first hand how tough it is...but my daughter plays softball with a girl who is "somewhere on the spectrum". She's really high functioning, and I've only had light conversations with her parents, but they've expressed to us so many times how much they appreciate that my girl has their daughter's back. The other girls on the team just know Nat's "different", and they're mostly very supportive, but avoid her all too often, especially the giggling girly stuff. We carpool when we can, and my girl takes every chance to include her and help her. We've talked so much about autism and asperger's and how she can help Natalie. The team sport has been really good for Nat, and it's tough sometimes, but she really has a great physical ability, and whip crack sharp reflexes...she's a great softball player, and she's on a select team! She just has some trouble switching gears, is best at certain positions, and socializing is rough on her, and sometimes she's just in her own world. I hope for Simon that he can find that one *thing*, maybe with a good buddy to look out for him if needed.

So touching. I love how honest it feels and that it is OK to admit that it is not all roses and pretty paper. So true for all of us and so hard as parents, but so glad you are with him in it.

I agree. Bottom line is that all that really matters is that Simon is happy. You're such a great mom!

I hear ya. I often think of my son's social delay as a mixed blessing. He has no idea where he stands socially and is a happy little guy for it. But if he DID know...it might help him grow socially. It's a HARD one though...being a mama.

Simon is so blessed to have you, a mom who is able to be by his side on these days that are out of his regular routine. Prayers for you today....

"He’s getting older and the kids are getting more socially sophisticated and that gap is getting bigger."

This line just jumped out at me. I have two siblings (twins) with autism and intellectual disabilities. I remember when the boys were children their quirks were perceived as "cute". But as they became older, "cute" became "weird". Their quirks became a reason for people to tease them, or avoid them. It was, and still is, hard to watch my brothers get older and see that social gap widen into a cavern. My brothers are now in their 20s, and yet still have the social skills of young teenagers at best. I see kids in their peer group heading to university, travelling the world, falling in love and getting married, and my brothers both still live at home and work in a sheltered workshop for people with disabilities. They don't have the social sophistication to negotiate a long term relationship with another person. If I dwell on that gap too much, it makes me cry. So I focus on their strengths, their passions and the things they excel in (like taking old electrical appliances and somehow getting them to work again!) They are both two remarkable young men, despite their disabilities.
The older Simon gets, the more that social gap will widen, and it will hurt your heart to see it. But your sweet boy has so many good things going for him, including a family who loves and celebrates him. Keep focusing on his unique strengths, and he'll find his sweet spot in the world.

hugs.

heartache. as a mother of two under 3 years, i know i will come across times like this in the near future. your post is reminder about what our children really need .. us.

Ali, I could have written this myself. My Vincent is in 5th grade and has autism as well. Even after months of therapy with a Behavioral Specialist to work on social skills, Vince still struggles with making and maintaining friends. It is who he is. It is harder for me to watch when he is all by himself in the morning before school. But for Vince, it really doesn't bother him. I always have to remind myself that it bothers me more than him. On the other hand, Vince has no problem with any social skills when it comes to his younger 8 year old sister Olivia. To hear them playing, running and even fighting around the house is music to my ears. I know Vince has it in him to socialize because he does so well with his sister. He just chooses not to socialize with his classmates. At the end of the day, as long as Vince is happy, then I'm happy. I always ask every night, "Are you happy?" The one perk I have with Vince having autism is that he does not lie :) He will always tell me if he is happy or not happy. And it is such a relief to me that 99.9% of the time, he tells me he is happy. So even though it bothered me that Vince was eating by himself at school, it really doesn't bother him. And that is all that matters.

I think this post and the responses you've received should serve as an opportunity for each and every one of us to teach our children how to treat anyone who is different -- afterall, we're all unique. Showing our children how to have compassion and just reach out to ANYONE who is on the sidelines is extremely valuable. It's an important job we can do every day.

Thank you for sharing with us and for being real. I know, from experience, that being real is not easy to do sometimes. THanks for sharing your stories, even the stories that are not easy to tell. Simon is blessed to have a mom who cares so much. I have a nephew that has autism and his parents are in complete denial....He's in 5th grade now, no early intervention, OT, or anything. Just a big pink elephant in the room, that no one will address or talk about. SO, so sad. I think it takes great COURAGE to not be in denial. Denial is way easier on many levels. Just so you know, you inspire me...

I think this post is so important for ALL parents to read. As a mom with two very social boys, I think one of the best things I can do is to continue to teach & demonstrate INCLUSIVITY, and that everyone is different, and special, and WORTH getting to know. I'm glad that other families with autism find strength with you, Ali, but I'm also *really* glad that you're articulating it for the rest of us, so we may better educate our own kiddos from the get-go.

It is so hard to be a parent. He sounds happy and healthy and when it comes right down to it, that is all that matters. I have found that raising girls in this day and age is very difficult and there have been times that I've simply just cried at the way kids treat each other. I guess the only thing you can do is just push through. LOVE LOVE LOVE. Do the best you can. That's really all any of us are doing!

Oh my. He is so blessed to have such a compassionate Mom.

As the mother of a 13 year old son with asperger's, your post made me tear up. I think the biggest thing for me has been to let go of how I think his life should be socially. It would break my heart to hear that he was eating lunch alone or to see him standing in line alone waiting for school to start instead of playing on the playground. After we told him about his diagnosis, he would tell me that he likes to be alone most of the time and he doesn't want to have a "best friend." It was hard to accept, but that is what makes him happy. He is in the band at school and this year he has started to bond with some of the band kids and seems to be building relationships. He still needs coaching in how to handle some social situations. With all our ups and downs, Jacob is such an awesome kid, as I'm sure Simon is, and I wouldn't change him a bit.

I think what is so hard about being a mom is I feel it's sometimes hard to watch a part of my heart running around in the world and I can't protect it all the time. I told my husband after we first had kids..."when we got married it felt like you completed my heart, but now that we have kids it feels like a piece of me is running around outside of me...and while that is great and awesome to see, it's also kind of scary"

My heart aches for you and others with my own memories of my daughter as a pre-teen and teenager. It was (and still is, even now that she is 29) so hard to see her be ignored. (The teasing stopped as those around her became even more sophisticated.) The blessing is that, even now, she doesn't seem to notice rude behavior as often as I do, even when it comes from those she believes are her "friends". I've learned to ask her "what do you think about that?" before I comment. Her heart forgives so easily that I'm crying even as I write about it. She, too, is often "happy". The downside of this blessing is that she can easily be led into inappropriate or even illegal activities. Like all stages of parenting, it seems that each one is harder than the last. My dream for her (and Simon and all the other children) is that she be able to enjoy her life and navigate the world with as much independence as possible. I struggle nearly every day with the amount of (emotional, financial and material) support I give.

it's hard when you love someone so much. as a mom you want everything for them.

We Moms always take it personally when our children are slighted, for any reason. It has to be doubly hard when your child is handicapped and rejected solely due to that, not really due to anything personally about the child. We want to make it better and sometimes there really is nothing that we can do beyond loving our children and doing the best we can to set up some win-win situations in their life to balance the not-so-nice moments. Hang in there and remember that "this too will pass". Somehow I found that a very helpful phrase to remember when my son was growing up. Enjoy every moment you can with them as too soon they will be 18 years old and off to other adventures.
Aloha, Kate