Things I Am Learning (or re-learning)
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1. Typing one handed, with a nursing baby in the other arm, is not too hard (just takes a lot longer).
2. There is nothing better than just sitting and watching her facial expressions while she is sleeping.
3. Witnessing Simon's love for Anna is totally more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
4. I now have "kids." Still feels strange to say "the kids."
5. Simon is like a giant compared to Anna. I remember a couple people in the comments a few weeks back talking about how big Simon would seem after her arrival. It is so VERY true. Each time I give him a hug, rustle my hand through his hair, and just look at his face I can't believe how old he is - I don' think without Anna for comparison I would have been able to "see" him as he really appears (I saw many more little boy features).
6. Girls clothes really are more fun than boys.
7. I am having moments where I miss Simon. In the midst of so much joy & celebration I am
missing him and the way things used to be. I am working hard to set
aside time for just me and him - to chat, to snuggle, to give him my
undivided attention. I don't want to lose our connection in this time
of transition. Bittersweet.
8. Taking a hot shower is one of my favorite parts of the day.
9. I love how Chris put his favorite photo of Anna as his phone wallpaper so he can whip it out and see her beautiful little face.
10. I really, really miss my Mom when she leaves after being here with us right after the births of both our kids. Just having her here and hanging out with her and having her take care of us is something I am so very thankful for - love you Mom. You are the best. These emotions seem even more powerful this time around as I glance over at Anna and have those "wow, I have a daughter" thoughts. The mother daughter bond is powerful in our family.
11. I can finally cough and blow my nose again without feeling like my incision is going to break wide open.
12. Listening to Simon talk to Anna is another favorite part of my day. Yesterday he was telling her all about Harry Potter. He says things like, "Baby Anna this is Obi Wan Kenobi." or "Baby Anna do you want to watch Harry Potter with me?" or "It's OK Anna, you are safe" when she cries.
13. Wireless internet and my laptop are something I am thankful for. For those of you surprised at my posting so soon after Anna's birth, some of the posts were planned in advance (like the giveaway) and others were done while I am sitting here on the couch nursing or holding Anna. So thankful for our big brown comfy couch.
14. Having your 10 year old washer & dryer die the day before a child is born is a total pain...especially if you are planning to use cloth diapers from the beginning. I ended up waiting and will start this next week after the new appliances are delivered.
15. Simon is having a challenging time at school right now with some behavior issues. The transitions at home seem to be impacting him in different ways this time around - one of which is acting out physically when he is frustrated. Hoping that this too shall pass sooner rather than later as we all settle into our new routine.
16. Over the last two weeks Simon has gone to be and woke up saying he is
sick, hoping he will be able to stay home. It's gotta be hard for him
to leave in the morning - especially with his favorite person (Grandma
Pati) and his new favorite person (Baby Anna) here at home.
17. Yesterday was my first really tough day. Overwhelmed. Tired. Weepy. Anna not interested in sleeping until late in the afternoon. Fighting a cold.
18. Remembering each day that tomorrow is another day; that I need to treasure these early moments and let go of my own personal expectations for how the day should go.
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325 comments
I know what you mean about time with Simon. My second baby was so very colicky...she cried 16 to 18 hours a day. And I remember the very moment my heart broke. I was in the nursery with my little one, when my older one woke up with a bad dream and called..."DADDY!". I can encourage you and tell you that the bond you form with Simon over Anna will more than make up for those alone moments. Like me, your oldest is young enough to call you in just to show you how cute she is while sleeping, to share with you as "big people" everything from her first step to her first day at Kindergarten. Looking at her milestones with Simon enjoying them, too, will give you and he a new fresh, bond. Enjoy.
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So many of your points sounded like you were writing about my life! In particular, the wonder and joy of 'the kids'. Plural. WOW! And having a daughter. Two years on I still sometimes stop in wonder at the realisation that I have a daughter. Who may be a mama herself one day. WOW!! And the overnight growing up of siblings. The looking bigger. I think it is instinctive. (With our first child, I was convinced that our cat had grown!) And the amazing love that they have for 'their' new baby. And how about the amazing capacity for new love that we have. Big, huge, all encompassing love. And you don't have to subtract from the love you already feel, to make room for the new love. I think this is the best of all. Part of being human (along with that weepy, 'I love you but please go to sleep already' kind of feeling that ALL mothers have, even if they don't admit it!). Thanks for reminding me Ali.
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The acting out is a totally normal reaction for any new big brother/sister thing. They can seem so kind and gentle at home with the baby, but act out in other ways. So don't think he is taking a step back, he is simply being like any other child going through this experience, give it a month or two and he will go back to his normal behavior. Enjoy your daughter, they are wonderful.
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It is completely overwhelming and you have done amazing to get this far without facing that part! Hold on to the important bits, let the unnecessary bits slide and just breathe through it. Prayer works too, in my book, and so I pray for you and yours :)
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Oh Ali, so much of what you wrote brings back so many memories for me! YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It is a bittersweet time. It is a time of transition for all four of you. And you are right, things will never be the same. Relationships change. But you will create a new and wonderful normal. Though...it takes time. Go easy on yourself. You are only human...
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Ali,
Thank you for sharing so much of yoursel with your readers...my children are 25, 17 and 15. I am crying, as I post this comment, tears of joy for the memories that you have invoked. Bless your family.
Cheryl
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I can totally relate on the "size" issue!! Before leaving for the hospital my daughter seemed like such a little girl! I carried her around alot right up to 7 days overdue at 9 months pregnant. When we brought Cooper home and I picked her up I was amazed at how big she was!! Blown away! She was only 17 months old but the difference was amazing!! I'm done with my two but you are right to savour it - it goes by way too fast! We are 2 & 3 now and I too have to remember that tomorrow is always another day.
~Jen
PS - I'm having a little trouble with my word for 2009 - Understanding. Great exercise though. Life is just so overwhelming - no?
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Ali, today your post tells what hundreds of mothers before and hundreds of mothers to come have thought/will think. Brings back lots of memories and makes me sad I won't go through that again. Try and remember to enjoy these moments as much as you can, they go so quickly.
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Oh Ali, its as if you looked into my days after my youngest Ben was born. But you are in the right fram of mind. Enjoy the now, cause the dirt, the dishes and everything of those "mom things", cause they will be there tomorrow, but our children will be a day older and we can't get that time back.
BIG HUGS!!!!
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So many of those sound so familiar. I didn't realize how big my older boy was until I had the younger one. Witnessing the close moments between the 2 are awesome! I am sure Simon's phase will pass. He sounds just like my older one about Obi Wan, etc!
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What a beautiful baby! You are so much wiser than I was when I had my children. I am actually envious that you have it "together" so much more than I did. You are difinitely going to cherish the memory of these days! You made me teary with the mother/daughter thing. It is so true. My daughter is 28 now and we are the best of friends. It is a wonderful thing. I love my son just as much, but our relationship is completely different. I feel so blessed to have a son and a daughter. And so are you! Hugs!
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Ok Ali...#12 is seriously a tear jerker...""It's OK Anna, you are safe" when she cries." Wow...so powerfully wonderful. You have such a neat kid there.
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Ali,
I am familiar with so many of the things you are now going through. My dc are 8 years apart. My boy came first...my girl second. My boy also seemed so so big after our girl was born. My boy also went through behavioral and emotional issues (and still has his moments three years later!) I used a cloth diaper service for the first 6 months or so and then cloth diapered myself. Time flies! Don't blink b/c your babies will grow so so fast. Try to really enjoy each moment. Babyhood and itty bitty clothes and toes disappear way to fast. Blessings!
Stacy :-)
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Go Ali! Go Ali! Go Ali!
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Hi Ali, wanted to let you know how true #18 really is. I have to remind myself of this everyday, it is something I tell my daughter too. When I put her to bed at night I say "You have to get some sleep, tomorrow is a brand new day full of things to do and see".
Crystal
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everyday is a blessing that you have cherished perfectly! Your list is amazing! I don't know how you do it! It makes me want a baby right now, instead of waiting another 2 or 3 years... it sounds magical!
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Beautiful reflections Ali! Enjoy time with baby... it flies by sooooooo fast... I too have recently been a mom for the 3rd time... I know what you mean about coughing... geez... those sections are tough (at least on me). I also remember seing my other 2 soooooooo big after having baby. Bad luck about the washing machine, hope your new appliances are there soon. Simon's behaviour will be back to normal soon. Having a sibling is always a "shock". Good for you taking time to be just with him. You're an excellent mom just as you are an artist! Cherish every moment!
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Bless you. #12 is so very sweet, I almost cried. Simon will come around. He seems so smart, he just has to get used to it all.
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Ali, I love how open you are and how much you share with us. I love to read the updates of your new life as mom to two. It's hard for me to believe that only 9.5 months ago I was in your shoes. Seems like you are handling it so much better than I did. I am so happy to hear you take time to get a hot shower in each day. I am sure its not the easiest thjng to factor into your day.I still don't do that! Gross, I know. :) Congratulations on your beautiful family.
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HI Ali
Love reading your posts.I hope things work out soon for Simon at school.Anna is such a littel sweetie.Thinking of you and the fam and praying that things go smoothly and work out the way you would like them to. Peace~
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