The Weekend Lens And The Photos I Didn't Take

Having read your post I feel that you are punishing yourself and not so much the children. Children bounce back due to there age but as you get older not so much. Let them have there screen time and you your time also to do what you need to do. I have 3 wonderful boys all grown up and we never had time out or less screen time. They never watched tv all day but when weather permitted played many hours in the garden. We solved our differences by making a cup of tea and talking about things.

A great post!"screen time" is a huge issue in today's culture. We have never had a TV in our home. Our kids are grown and gone. Two have continued this. One loves hers. The computer though is JUST as tough. It is so good to see your children with their inborn creativity blossom :). Loved seeing Anna assisting with the dishes, both working in the garden, resting with momma. It's so neat to see you stick to your commitment with consequences. That is a HUGE help in raising them in love. Much blessing to you as you continue on in your parenting journey.

Thanks for sharing this post. I tuned in more to the flow of your days, thinking about how we can work on changing some stuff about how our family's days flow more so than the screen time. Reason - my daughter is 15 with ASD and social anxiety, so the screen time is actually part of her social time with Tumblr, you tube etc -- she doesn't care about clothes, makeup, after school clubs etc, matter of fact she is usually stressed out after making it through the school day - so I don't want to remove the social media, but at the same time I want to incorporate more responsibilities and face time with family. Starting a garden and planting some flowers is something I really want to try next and you have pushed me "over the edge" to make it happen this weekend. Seems like no sooner than we moms figure out one age/stage with our kids and their challenges than (boom) the next age/stage is here ... lol

I also love the realness of your post. My 15y old son is currently being referred to a specialist to see if he has Aspergers. We have way too much screen time here and it is so hard to set consequence rules for behaviour (because, yes, it affects everyone in the house). Hoping we get some help to sort out our situation but feel inspired by you that this can be done. Thanks for sharing.

My kids are 13 and 15 and they still constantly argue in the car. Over who sits on what side,over silence versus singing. I doubt they'll ever get past it.

One of the things children have to learn in order to be fully functional adults is that your behavior has consequences for other people, not just for yourself. I think a few adults I know of missed out on this important lesson!

We went not screens for Lent this year. A very long 40 days for us all with cheating here and there for sleepovers and such. My middle son who is admittedly addicted to Stars Wars lego on the wii, went through major withdraws. It was a serious challenge for him and me.
Although we are back in full swing of screen time, we don't have it on much and the boys are ok with that. Me, too! I totally relate to everything you said.

Two quick things I wanted to mention -
First, a pair of noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs if the kids will wear them, can go a long way in keeping the peace in the car. We have a system that works well and encourages respect for another's choices. I can write more if needed, but you are so creative and in-tune with your kids, you will find what works best for them. I like the headphones, because it gives some control to the person who really needs the peace and quiet, when the person whose choice it is chooses music or singing.

Second, If you haven't read the book 'Don't Shoot the Dog' by Karen Pryor, you might look in to it. It is a book about behavioral training that is very applicable for parents as well as pet owners. The science behind the training is well documented, and the positive reinforcement allows for the building of relationships and maturing of choices. Be careful - It works so well it might be manipulative. :) One thing I think might be helpful for you is to give some instant reward for good behavior instead of waiting until the end of the day for a reward.

I love to read about your genuine love for your children, and you write about it so well. Thank you for sharing the easy and difficult parts of your life with us. I know parenting is exhausting most days, but your efforts will be returned to you a thousand fold as your children mature, and they begin to make more and more choices on their own. Having difficulties with teens and beyond can be a nightmare, as your chances for influencing their decisions begins to drop. Your foundation of teaching them to make good choices now will pay off for you!! :)

Wow People look at the passion in both this post and the comments. So many can relate to these individual choices we all make and remake everyday about parenting, TV, modelling good behaviours and more.

Ali's thoughts reminded me of a decision around desert that we made this year. I felt the kids were (are) getting too much sugar so I 'gained agreement' from my husband to cut out the week day deserts during lent. He could have whatever he wanted, he's an adult and can make up his own mind, but from the kids perspective and as far as the kids could see, we all gave up weekday deserts. I was hoping that by the end of lent they would have got so used to the new routine that there would be no more requests for weekday deserts. And it worked - was tough going for the first two weeks but then they got into the swing of it and it was fine.

Always appreciate you sharing your real life parenting woes......My daughter is turning 5 in a couple of weeks, and i'm always amused by the similarities between her and Anna.
From what l've read Anna appears to be a very normal 4-5 year old girl ! My daughter tends to have her father's personality, which is very laid back and passive, but she still has her moments. Within her circle of friends there are some VERY independent and confident girls. Truth be told, l think l was one of them too .....
Really, we want the woman of tomorrow to be all of those things, but what we need to teach them is how to channel that energy :-)
Hugs.

we ditched the tV for 2 solid years...NONE! when my kids were 7 and 9....best thing we ever did...I couldnt take the battles...I hated how intense they watched the damn thing...no matter what was on...hubby and I are not big tv folks either...still aren't... when it got turned back on when kids friends were over they were amazed...and not very interested...they had the video games...mario cart always a hit...but I didnt allow the war games, etc ever. the result? I have 2 readers...my son just purchased a tv at the ripe old age of 24... my daughter also has one now but rarely watches it...we call that success! You stand your ground...summer coming...much to do OUTdoors, with OTHERs, and solitude enlightens everyone...trust me on that.

We moved recently and chose not to hook up cable, we have netflix & hulu plus. We all have went through withdrawls of some of our shows, but I find I am so much happier without all the mindless shows, Dance Moms, Real Housewives of whatever....reading more, creating more, sitting out on our porch more. I know my kiddos feel the same way, they can't just verbalize it :)

Your daffodils look amazing! I love the pics you share each week. And while no screen time means you have to engage more, if it becomes the normal mode in your house, then I'm sure you and your kids will manage to bond in amazing ways!

Hey! Congrats on unplugging the "box". We have not had TV in years...(8 or 9 for sure). And we never looked back. Yes, DVD's are fun, Netflix is commercial free, so it's not completely screen free, but it's awesome. Hope you find the strengh to keep it that way. Kids are challenging for sure ( I have 3), but they don't miss TV either, heck, my youngest has nevr watched it!
Good luck!

I am single, have no kids, just a dog that loves Animal Planet. But I do think I should make a conseous decision about screentime for my self. Specially after getting the iPad my screen time has rocketed. Now, that is mostly because I read books using the kindle app... Maybe I should challenge myself to 1 hour a day with no screen. I'm assuming music would be OK, but thatp would be on Spotify... And that is a screen.... Could any of you give me some advice on this?

Ali,
I remember reading a blog post about your rythm as a work-at-home mother a few years ago and I was thinking that it'd be interesting to see how that has evolved over the past year with the kids growing and your family situation changing and all that.
Gaele

Your little girl sounds so much like mine! Independent, opinionated, energetic, smart, talkative... I'm trying to find better ways to lovingly guide her & stay connected. We (myself + 2 kids) are up & down with technology. We do screen free time a lot & we usually have boundaries in place (in the form of limited tokens that they exchange for 30mins, max 3 tokens per day after chores etc). But being a busy single mum, working & studying I've relaxed on screen time while we've been on school holidays for the past 2 weeks. I thought it would help me to catch up on my Uni assignments. But it's been the opposite - the kids have been clashing SO much and their attitudes in general haven't been great. So it's time to rethink screen time again and find a good balance.

I'm just beginning to experience the screen time thing from the other side. With the start of school my son (almost 5) is now quite into the computer, ipad (at school) and an old nintendo DS we have here at home. I've witnessed the shift from him playing spontaneously with toys and crafts around the house to him waking up asking to play some kind of computer/nintendo game. I see him finding it harder to come up with things to do that aren't screen related. I do welcome the challenge to keep it interesting for both of us - like creating a craft box he can go to on his own when I'm busy with other things like dinner.

Oh, this was simply beautiful! The way you wrote this piece I felt like I was there ... a weekend when the simple, beautiful things in life came into full focus. Thank you for your honesty. This "letting go" process isn't easy, but the rewards are great. I am so honored to share this journey with you. Thank you for reaching out today. It was a blessing to read your words.

I just wanted to comment about the Giraffe in Anna's arms by Angel Dear. Those have been the favorites of my 3.5 year old son since he was born. We have about every animal option and they are dear to his heart. The show up in his stocking, his Halloween/Easter basket, at bds, etc. I love them because he loves them.
Your no-tech weekend has always been something I think about. I have a 13 year old DD that has a Nook and can spend hours (3-4) at a time reading. I know what she is reading because we share an account, but still tech time.
I have a 3.5 year old (I know--10 years bt them--YIKES) that crawls into bed with me and watches PBS in the morning and gives me 20-30 minutes of more sleep or a nice, hot shower. I is a hard balance.
Just all things to think about. I appreciate you making us think about this!!