Celebrating Simon
Last Thursday Simon finished 8th grade.
As I thought of all the different angles and lenses through which I could tell you this story, the one I came back to again and again is about celebrating.
When Simon was diagnosed with autism (around 2.5 to 3 years old) we had no idea what that meant for the years ahead. The beginning, right after the diagnosis, was so very hard. So many questions with no answers and we are the kind of people who like answers. We worried about everything. We worried he would reach a certain point in his development and not move past it. We worried about how other people and his peers would treat him. We worried about how he would treat his peers. We worried about what his life would look like twenty years down the road and two months from now.
If there was something to worry about we probably worried about it.
And yet, very early on we made an important decision that made a difference for all of us. Rather than hyper-focusing on all our worries and fears and what-if's we focused on one simple thing: helping him find "success" in whatever that was going to mean to him at each step along the way. And with every little success we celebrated. Most of all though, we simply celebrated him, and still do, for who he is vs. trying to make him into someone he is not. Memory keeping has been one of the most visible ways I have celebrated Simon over the years and I can tell you without a doubt it has made a difference.
Because isn't that what we all want in our lives? People to celebrate and love us simply for who we are - for the crazy combination of our quirks and awesomeness.
As we lovingly say around here, go Simon go.
Over the years we've gotten really good at picking battles. Some weeks and months and years have been focused on behavior issues, some on working through transitions, some on academic pieces, some on social supports, some on regulating screen time, some on encouraging a wider range of foods, some on establishing and maintaining routines, some on physical activity, some on managing tics and anxiety, and in other times we've simply rested and just let it all be. There is no way we could ever deal with everything all at the same time. Instead we've focused on what was most needed at any particular time and celebrated the heck out of every little success.
One day at a time. One issue at a time. One month at a time. One year at a time.
This is what we continue to do today as well.
Early on we also learned the importance of a team. The people sitting around the table - either in the classroom or in our homes - have been so very important along the way in all coming together to celebrate Simon for being Simon (and often times to strategize how to best help him find successes in any given situation via pre-teaching, redirection, etc). For us that included family and friends and teachers and supporters and mentors both in and out of the classroom. It's included Katie & Peter. It's included my parents and Chris' parents. Later on it included Tiffany & her family and then Aaron and his children. It includes local friends who have embraced him as a friend especially now that he is starting to desire to communicate with them more and more. It has even included so many of you who have cheered him on over the years as I've shared pieces of his story in this space.
He is ridiculously loved and celebrated and I'm so thankful for that.
We have also learned very acutely that our voices do matter and, as people told me from the very beginning, we are his best advocates. We know the value of clear communication and the value of challenging our own assumptions. We have also learned, as is true in so many things, that there is no right or wrong answers for what is best for each individual kid. We still have fears. We don't want to underestimate him and we don't want to overestimate him. We still don't know how the next chapters will unfold.
What we do know is that we will continue to show up and continue to celebrate every little thing every step of the way.
I want to publicly thank Simon's amazing (and that isn't a word to be thrown around lightly) main teacher for the last three years: Amy Burrows. For the last 20 years she has tirelessly worked at this middle school with kids with a wide range of special needs as their teacher, their advocate, their cheerleader, and their friend. Amy was a big reason we wanted Simon placed at this middle school in the beginning based on her reputation as one of the best. We felt very, very lucky that he was able to learn from her because what he learned was so much more than academics. She is retiring this year after impacting so many lives in the most positive ways. We all cried.
Amy, thank you for sharing you gift with our family.
This kid.
He makes people smile. If you get the pleasure of meeting him these days he will shake your hand and say, "Hi. My name is Simon. Do you have a dog?"
He makes other people better people just by knowing him.
He is loving and kind and wants to connect with others.
Especially by telling you the entire last episode of whatever show it was he just watched.
His teachers and administrators absolutely cared for him and cheered him on in all the best ways, including when it was hard.
He is leaving middle school happy and excited for high school.
Simon, you are a gift.
One of the best posts you have shared with us. Simon is such a joy and it is so wonderful he has a great family! Go Simon Go!
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Your post today made me reflect on how I am encouraging my children to be their best selves. My story is different from yours however I want to celebrate them and cheer them on through the years. I don't know what the next week, month or 10 years will look like either, so I will just take it a day at a time.
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Congratulations Simon!! And to the entire Edwards clan. It does take a village and it's an awesome thing to be part of when you have one. Thanks for continuing to share Simon's story with us so we can celebrate too.
BTW, we have two poodles - Frankie and Charlie. They're going to stay with our friend Jack this weekend. He just graduated from 8th grade too.
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What strikes me most about this wonderful post is the photo of all the people who support Simon, who have found a way to work together despite the pain of divorce to be the best versions of themselves for Simon. You all are a shining example. I know how difficult that is to do sometimes (a lot of times), and I just want you to know that we see it and recognize it and think you are pretty darn awesome for making it a priority to do it. Congratulations to all of you!
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Thank you for this post, Ali. It's filled with good advice, insight, and validation. My little grandson has been diagnosed with Autism and I see Simon as a shining example of what is possible. I know you've all worked hard to get where you are today, but it's uplifting to see where the hard work can lead.
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Congratulations Simon!!
Thank you for sharing this story Ali. Even though our situation is different (not autism), your words remind me that we shouldn't think we can solve everything and that it won't be an overnight thing. Patience and love. Lots. Thank you!
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So many wonderful words to say, but all I can muster is GO SIMON GO!
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Way to go Simon! My heart is full of pride and my eyes welling with tears for reading all the wonderful accomplishments you have made, thank you Ali for sharing Simon's and your family's journey with us! My SIL is an Autistic Teacher in our major city schools here is Ohio and she just won Teacher of the Year last week, I always share yours and Simon's experiences with her.
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I'm moving away from scrapbooking (unfortunately) as my life has become busier and I am focusing more on photography when I do have the time. However, I still check in here... because I always love your personal stories. You are an awesome story teller, and I LOVE your perspective on things. You wrote this beautifully and while it expresses how proud you are of Simon and how much you have gone through, it also shows what a great mom you are. He so lucky to have such a great advocate for him. Thanks as always for sharing.
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Congratulations to Simon! I wish I knew him personally, and not just from the blogsphere. Ali, you and your close and extended family members are all so amazing. Coming together for the greater good, and putting what is most important ahead of all the manusha that most of us get caught up in, is a true inspiration to us all. Thank you for being so real. I think with each blog post you remind us to be better human beings. Not perfect, just better.....and that's what it is all about. Thank you!
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GO, Simon, GO!!! Congratulations to Simon and everyone on Team Simon! Simon, may your high school experience be the best ever! Y'all rock. And then some! ♥
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Congrats to Simon and your family!! Simon, my kids and I just finished watching an old episode of Star Trek the Next Generation (we are sci-fi nerds all of us) in the company of Dixie, our very smart but deaf little jack russell mix who's about your age, and June, our lovable very sweet walker hound who we are trying to get touch therapy trained, but she can't pass the startle test (pan dropped on the floor) because of her fear of loud noises. Just like us, they both have their challenges, and I think it makes us love them all the more. Have an awesome summer!!
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YAY Simon!!!!! GO SIMON GO!!!!! Hi Simon! I'm Roxanne and I have *cough* 5 dogs...3 miniature dachshunds, a foster puppy and a big dog, named Big Dog...well, cause with the 3 littles, he's a BIG Dog! He's a St Bernard Lab mix!
Ali, you are such a role model. I admire you and Chris for rising above the divorce drama. I know how difficult it was/can be. So worth it in the end. GREAT job Team Simon!!!
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Go, Simon, Go! :) As a middle school counselor, it warms my heart to hear he had a great team of people supporting him, yay! Onwards and upwards!
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What a wonderful way you have of telling your and Simon's story Ali. It is a Mum reflecting on the pride she has in her son. It is a Mum focusing on the positives, while admitting, albeit very subtly, that there have been struggles (lots of struggles). It is a Mum recognising that the successes are due to many people contributing, working together, supporting each other and supporting Simon. It is a Mum that is continuing learning what she needs to be the best Mum to her children. It is a Mum who should be as proud of her own successes as she is in Simons.
Thanks for sharing Ali!
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Oh Ali, I love this post. It is so heartwarming to have a great celebration when everyday you are celebrating those little things that happen that go unrecognised by others. Simon you are amazing and deserve to be surrounded by such wonderful cheerleaders.
Thank you for sharing this journey.
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Thanks for sharing his journey with us. I'm sitting here ij tears, such an awesome story. I've loved following Simon and his journey and yes I have to say every time I see a picture of him, he makes me smile too! Wishing him all the success in his next venture. X
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Congratulations to the Simon team! What a wonderful story, thank you for sharing.
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I love this so much Ali! Really cool to see Simon thriving. He has a great team of people to cheer him on!
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Ali, Thank you for sharing. I have been reading your blog forever, since Simon was very little. I now have a four year old son on the spectrum. This post was very encouraging and made me feel thankful for all the people on our "team." Simon is so amazing, and I get it how unbelievably proud you feel.
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Ali and Simon,
I can remember reading about Simon when he was about 3-4 years old. Then he started Kindergarten. I remember your anxiety and excitement for your little guy! I remember thinking, oh he will be fine! His parents are awesome! I love your intentionality in all you do...especially your parenting! Congratulations Simon! I read this with tears in my eyes, rooting you on from my computer! I wish you all the BEST in high school. I will continue to root you on from my computer! I have a feeling God has some mighty great plans for you! Well done Momma and team Simon!
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Ali,
I was just re-reading "A Designer's Eye..." In it, I see your incredible love for Simon. And I have seen it ever since. It made me think how very lucky that boy is to have you for a mom. It must have been such a challenge to deal with autism, yet you have done and incredible job of loving and celebrating him. Go Ali go!
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Hi Ali,
I was just reading your story of Simon graduating Yr 8. I have been following you for years since starting scrapbooking although these days not as closely as I used to. We had boys with ASD in common and scrapbooking. You taught me to pick a word for inspiration each year and to see the world through my sons eyes; to embrace the little things. My son graduated his first year of Uni (College) this year and my second son graduated Middle School and is off to Senior school. It is so good to find teachers and schools that understand and can nuture these special people. Congratulations Simon and Team Simon
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