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December Daily® Storytelling | Special Guest Jill Kane

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Hi! My name is Jill Kane and I’m excited to be a part of this blog series. I’ve been a memory keeper for decades and began my tradition of making a December Daily album in 2007.

And I’m going there — to the elephant in the room — with this topic: Grieving while working on December Daily. I know from reading past comments on the AED social accounts that grief touches countless memory keepers. Whether your grief is fresh or it’s something you’re integrating into your life over time, it’s still a part of us. I think of it as the presence sitting next to me.

Like many of us, I’ve been in the throes of new grief and older grief during December Daily time. I completed albums and it wasn’t because I bypassed my feelings and became a December Daily superhero. I was able to make the project work for me through practicing self-compassion, taking breaks, feeling my feelings, leaning on habits and focusing on a variety of supplies and products. Yes, I said it! Sometimes I focused on finding joy from playing with products instead of focusing on my words and photos.

Three grief experiences have intersected with my December Daily practice. The first occurred in early December 2011, when I received a non-renewal (layoff) notice from a job that I loved. The silver lining with this was that my termination wasn’t final until June 2012. Yet it was still a stressful and sad event heaped onto a typically fun and light-hearted season.

In September 2018, my 84-year-old mom experienced a sudden illness that took her life after a two-week hospitalization. She was expected to recover. She and my dad had been married for 62 years and were living independently in the home they moved to in 1958. While he hadn’t been diagnosed — and was clever at downplaying it— my dad was living with dementia. Within four days time, I realized the extent of his cognitive decline and sat next to my mom as she died.

In May 2019, on my daily visit, I found that dad, also at 84, had passed peacefully at home. While not necessarily unexpected, it was a shock to me. I thought his time living with dementia would be much longer. During the eight months between both deaths, I became dad’s care helper. He remained living at their home and I visited him almost every day, helping with meals, laundry, managing his finances and the house. I’m blessed with a connected family and family friends who helped me (and dad) in many ways during these eight months. It was a hard and amazing time, all at once. Truly bittersweet.

I want to acknowledge that loss takes many forms and grief is both individual and shared. And that how I worked on December Daily amidst all of this was something that worked for me. I’ll share more knowing that what worked for me, won’t work for everyone.

Two ideas:

  • Ask yourself and trust your response to this question: How do you want to feel while you are creating your December Daily project? In 2018, I wanted to feel like I was escaping into a playful world where I didn’t have to face over and over how much this holiday was different from any other in my lifetime. My answer guided my album choice, the products I used and the stories that I included. I wanted the escape of spending time crafting. I knew that if I went down the path of including some stories, my craft time would become crying time. I was at a point with my grief that I wanted a break from crying. Working on December Daily became that time.

  • Let the products you have help you build pages. Plan pages around products instead of around your words and photos. I feel brave writing this on Ali’s website, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that I planned most of the stories I included in 2018 around products, especially from past Story Kits.

This story was from a really hard Sunday afternoon. I wanted to bake dad’s favorite bar cookies. He loved these so much that mom made them throughout the year. I could visualize her standing right where I was in this photo, spreading the chocolate chips into a frosting. I didn’t want to write those words then, and I wanted to show that I was in my walking gear because right after this, I went for a walk. All the products on this page are intentional. The pattern papers remind me of her Christmas table linens. The “finding joy in the doing, “things end,” and “present/past” chipboards were the only words I wanted to build this page around in December 2018. Yet I look at it now and I know exactly what was going on around me in the house and how I felt that afternoon.

Whew! Nothing like keeping it real. Thank you for reading. If you are grieving loss(es), I am so sorry. If you are looking at your new December Daily purchases or your collection of treasured supplies and wondering, “How will I take this on this year?” you are not alone. Listen to yourself. Be true to yourself. Let your mind change. Take your project in a different direction than what you had planned or how you’ve approached it in the past. I believe that our hobbies are sources of joy and ease. If joy feels out of reach, look for ways to find ease in your crafting. Ali’s created a kind community for all of us. Know that you’re not alone this season.

Jill Kane adores all things paper. Right now, she’s still into modern memory keeping and is excited about her growing interest in art journaling and collage. She just launched a new Substack community, Craft Hobby Habits, where she will share more this season about Documenting December & Grief. She’s a Feel Good Effect certified coach (not practicing), nonprofit fundraiser, lover of sunlight, wife to Chip, and cat mom to Eliza.

Instagram: jillkane25

Blog: Craft Hobby Habits

YouTube: jillkane25

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