What Is Real Right Now

Ali, you seem to have such a full life . . . you work so hard to appreciate life, examine it, cherish it, document and share it. So often thinking of others. Be gentle with yourself. You all are in such a busy time of family life - which will pass all too quickly. Focus on the positive, learn from the negative and move on. Keep breathing.

hugs to you, my dear...
sometimes life is just rough.
& it just is.

it was so nice to see you sunday
hope we can get together this year...maybe? once? :)

<3

Ali...I read your post yesterday and have spent the last 24 hours thinking and praying for you, Chris and your wonderful family. I've had the pleasure of taking a couple of classes from you in person, as well as Yesterday and Today at BPC, which was so affirming and inspiring for me as I love journaling and being real in my scrapping and life. Your willingness to be authentic and real on your blog is one of the reasons so many women, like myself, stop in and visit you everyday. My husband Russell and I have been married almost 29 years. I am blessed to have the most wonderful husband in the world. However, like all marriages and relationships, they take time and work. Our daughter just became a US Marine and we are now empty nesters, something I thought woud be wonderful but is amazingly hard. I've been unemployed for two years and have had major health issues the last few years...but through it all, I know how blessed I am. Life is messy and it hurts, but it's also incredibly wonderful and full of incredible moments...as you so eloquently shared your "what is real now".

Making time for each other, away from the kiddos is so important, even if it's just a couple of hours a week. Having a sense of humor and being kind to each other are so important. One of the things I discovered during one of our rough patches (and yes, all marriages have them!) is that when I went the extra mile to do something for him, especially when I didn't feel like it (make his lunch, write a little note, buy his favorite snack, etc.), it made me feel better and he appreciated and loved me more. You are in my prayers. No getting around it...life is hard and sometimes all you can do is have a good cry and then let go and let God. Sending you love and hugs...thanks so much for your letting us into your real life.

From someone who has been married now for 25 years - I have to say honestly that it is the hardest, most challenging thing I have ever done (or am likely to do ) in my lifetime. Best wishes headed your way.

Ali, I have been teary many-a-time reading your blog - every type emotion gets evoked here! So many times I find just what I need here, as a woman who doesn't have much of a social life due to family demands and a special needs child, and as someone who works wacky hours,So many things in my own marriage shift as we mature - in many ways we are the same people,and in other ways we want totally different things. So my tears of joy on reading about Simom and Ana (I also felt teary on the post where Simon fell off his bike) and my tears of concern over the challenges in your marriage will spill over into prayer for you and your family. And all the good karma that you so so so deserve. I wish I could come give you a hug in person. Any support you need, we are here for you!

My stomach took a little leap when I read about your struggles. If I had to pick only one blog to visit, it would be yours. You have always been so inspirational and kind and gracious to answer even our most insignificant questions. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. Hang in there.

Love and respect to you...even the bumps are part of the journey and they make us who we are...keep doing what you do and thanks for your refreshing honesty...

I'm really sorry your having a hard time Ali. your life always looks so great, so I am sorry there are some bumps in the road at the moment. Ride through it, you will get there! Even though it may totally suck right now, there will be light at the end of the tunnel, there always is, even if you can't imagine it at the time. Hugs to you.

Ali, you have been such an inspiration to me over the years. This last year, my brother died suddendly and my husband and I had a significant issue occur which almost destroyed our marriage (it may yet, but we're trying to salvage what we have). Often, in tears, I would head to your blog and see some light - an approach to life, kind words, a beautiful photo, generosity. You help lift our life burdens and gently remind us to be real, truly live each day, and carry on as best we can. Thank you for being you. May the sun and moon shine lots of light on you and Chris and your home as you work through your challenges.

Cutting Stone is such a beautiful story -- I hope you love it like I did!

I wanted to send you a hug and let you know I'm rooting for you! Izzy and I struggled through an extra hard time a couple years ago. I just want you to know you're in my thoughts and hopes.

ali,
thank you for writing posts like this and for putting yourself out there, even the tough stuff. i can't tell you how much i appreciate it. i quit reading blogs for awhile because i was stuck in a comparison rut wondering why i could not manage up to these other mothers who seemed to have it all together and didn't struggle. it's hard to remember sometimes that people (and not just online, though it's easier, i'd guess, to do) choose what to show the world at large and what not to share... but it's just refreshing to see real life from such an amazing blog. thank you.

you are in my thoughts as you guys navigate this time - no one ever tells you that marriage is WORK, and it sounds so un-romantic, but it really is. it's difficult and it's a choice to love someone day in and day out... here's hoping that the workload is light and that you are back to easy connecting quickly.

One of my friends posted this lovely quote on facebook today and I couldn't wait to share it with you:

"Friends are quiet Angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

May all of your quiet angels be there for you today and always, Ali. I'm sending a HUGE Army Mom hug your way.

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Thanks, Ali, for being so honest. Many prayers for you, along with lots of positive energy being sent your way.

Sorry to hear you're going through a challenging time. Sending lots of positive energy your way :)

Praying for you and sending positive thoughts.

Ali,

Kudos to you for your honesty and openness. You have given a gift to all your readers by sharing the "less than perfect" side of life.

I have been through some very rough patches in my marriage (it's my second) and we were as close to divorce as one can get without going through with it. It was the absolute worst time in our lives. Luckily, we worked through it together and I'm happy to report we just celebrated 15 years and are closer than ever. During the time things were so bad, I really thought there was no hope.

I share this with you in the hopes that you can see the possibilities when it's tough to do so. Believe me, there have been days when, well, let's just say my husband was NOT my favorite person. Fortunately the good days definitely outweigh the tough ones.

Having little ones makes marriage even more challenging. In fact, it's been reported that couples experience the highest level of disatisfaction in their marriages when the kids are under 5 years of age.

For us it mostly came down to mismatched expectations, hidden resentments and a lack of real communication (we certainly talked, but were not so good at working through the tough stuff without it escalating to yelling, which just does not work if one hopes to resolve issues). And, some of it was each of us being unhappy with the state of our own being. That's something we each had to work on, individually.

If you're interested, we attended a great marriage workshop in WA that was really helpful - I would be happy to share the info.

I will keep you and Chris in my thoughts and wish for you a new direction, one that takes you both forward, together, as a loving and united team.

Sleep well tonight,

Steph

Ali, your post really touched my heart. I said a prayer for you and your family. I feel honored that you've chosen to share something so personal in such a real way with all of us. God bless.

Ali,
Please, please stay together...it's not about "connecting" it's about commitment. Get help-get counseling-talk to a pastor. Your husband is in politics to make things better for our country...right now, married people make things better for our country. Married parents make things better for their children. Please don't just ask for good vibes. My prayer is that you will go and search for help for your marriage.It is worth it.
"Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves and he who seeks finds...Matthew 7:8

Ali, I have been married for 19 years. I would by lying if I told you that it's been easy or happy all the time. We did hit a very, very dark spot in our marriage that lasted a long time. Longer than we expected. But we came out the other end and fell more in love. We survived and now we are thriving. That doesn't mean everything is perfect. Sometimes marriage is just hard. Sometimes you have to go through the tough times to appreciate what you have. I have looked up to you for so long, and for so long you have seemed absolutely perfect in my eyes. I am continually overwhelmed and blown away with your energy and your love and commitment to your family, especially your children, and your dedication to memory keeping ... something that your children will treasure in ways you can't imagine later in their lives, especially when they have their own children and grandchildren. Just keep doing what you are doing -- loving your family and embracing life. Let your heart guide you. It will tell you where you need to be. Whatever this is, you can get through this ... you are stronger than you think.