Quieting Children's Fears.

You are a fantastic scrapbooker. Do you have any pictures of yourself at that age? Back to School stories of your own you could share? What were your fears? Share some of those pictures and stories with your child. Let him know you were a little scared of certain things too and how you resolved them. Make a list of the fun AND scary things in his day. Take pictures of those things or have him draw pictures. Make an interactive scrapbook where he is able to make check marks or put on stars every day he is able to ride a bus with no tears, or wake up on time. Both of you can feel proud of his daily successes.

I have found that since she was a newborn, singing "Jesus Loves Me" calms her immediately. Recently, Addie (now six months) was taken to the hospital (she had screamed, gone limp and clammy, and lost all of her color), and during all of the blood drawing (Addie is very "meaty" so they couldn't find a vein) I began singing "Jesus Loves Me" and she calmed down- with a little whimpering. The nurses and doctors were amazed at her sudden calmness, and one of them said, "Wouldn't it be funny if that was the first thing she said?"

i read your blog - and mostly lurk. but i wanted to come out and comment today.
i haven't read all of the comments - so forgive me if this is a duplicate thought.
my son suffers from what i believe to be social anxiety. he doesn't like large crowds, stores, restaurants, Wal-Mart on a busy day... public restrooms.
one of the first things i was told to do was ACKNOWLEDGE the fear and treat it as if it were legit... justified. because to your child... the fear is very real.
I've also picked up a copy of "The Highly Sensitive Child" i'm hoping this is all just a phase for my 3yr old, and that i won't have to start considering specialists.

We always talk through their fears. We make sure they understand that their fear is normal and conquering their fear is what growing up is all about. And we learn from that process. Reassuring them that no matter what, they have our support and love.

I too am "sappy" and share similar experiences with you all! My daughter turned 11 today, and woke up crying because she doesn't want to be 11, she wants to stay a little girl. I giggled about "The Kissing Hand" because when I tried that years ago, she cried and said it made her miss me more. She is so tender-hearted that in 2nd grade she'd cry late in the day -- the teacher finally figured out it was always when rehearsing for the Christmas play. Turned out the song Frosty the Snowman was too sad for her too. She has a few friends but loves to play alone with her wonderful imagination. We had bus issues too. I guess we all picture some type of perfect balance that trully doesn't exist, even though we strive to create it. But we all accept our kids as they are - and when they know that, our kids have what they need in their hearts. God will help each of them find their way - it is not always the road we picture them on though. Sometimes I look at kids my daughter's age who are way more outgoing and social and think that means they are happier. Yet for my child, she's happy the way things are. Or sometimes I have to remind myself that being shy isn't the same as a total lack of confidence. So many of our kids aren't completely confident, but they do have some confidence! I worry with the rest of you and am thankful we can share our experiences together, the bond helps!

This was a very interesting post for me to read as my son has been having EXACTLY the same reactions (almost to the letter). Its good to know that kids have similarities the world over (we are on the other side of the Atlantic in Ireland!). With my almost 4 year old son the reason is simple insecurity (if such things can ever be simple!) - I am his touchstone and he feels a bit 'at sea' when I'm not around. He knows that I am the one who "gets him" most and he feels that I always know the right thing to do - especially when he doesn't. What has worked for us is talking him through his day in as much detail as possible, so that there are fewer surprises, trying to show him that he is capable and can cope by giving him examples of when he has in the past, letting him know his teacher has my cell phone number and he can call me any time he wants and (of course) setting up treats and fun stuff to celebrate a great week of school!

Ali- I am had to put my crying son on the bus yesterday. It was tough. He likes the Kissing Hand book, I need to check it out.
I like music as well. Justin Roberts has a great song about starting school on his CD Pop Fly. We listened to this song a lot this summer. I also listened to this song on the first day of school to quiet my fears.
I find talking, hugging and music to help. It helps if I can share that I felt the same way. I think it is a neat idea to do a page about your fears as a child.
Thanks for sharing. I can relate to your posts. Simon is blessed to have you and Chris. Take Care, Jessica S

Ali- I am had to put my crying son on the bus yesterday. It was tough. He likes the Kissing Hand book, I need to check it out.
I like music as well. Justin Roberts has a great song about starting school on his CD Pop Fly. We listened to this song a lot this summer. I also listened to this song on the first day of school to quiet my fears.
I find talking, hugging and music to help. It helps if I can share that I felt the same way. I think it is a neat idea to do a page about your fears as a child.
Thanks for sharing. I can relate to your posts. Simon is blessed to have you and Chris. Take Care, Jessica S

Talking about it...trying to get to the heart of the matter so that you know as much as you can. Then talk logically with them...sometimes they are worried about something that is never going to happen...or is extremely unlikely.
I teach my children to pray and ask for God's peace about their fears. Letting them know that God is always right there with them....I can't be with them every step, all the time...but God can and will.
Asking God to help me find peace...and asking Him to nudge me in the right direction when I need to make a change.
As a child, I worried over this..couldn't sleep because of that...finally when I was a teenager, my mom taught me that I should pray over it and leave it alone. I don't think we can teach our children that lesson too early.

Our son, now 14, is fantastic proof that things do eventually get easier! He is dyslexic (which was not diagnosed until quite late in the day) and he has always had a difficult time taking on board everything that COULD happen in a day, and worries about EVERYTHING..."What happens if I'm late to school?" (He's never been late.) "What if I get something on my test wrong?" ("It's not a big deal, we know you always try your best!") "What if my pen runs out of ink?" ("That's okay, you have two others in your bag!") And on it goes. He used to get so caught up in what could go wrong, he was just paralyzed with angst and uncertainty.
We just say to take ONE DAY AT A TIME....that's all any of us can do, isn't it? Just get through THIS day, don't worry about what might happen tomorrow. The beauty of it is, now that he is older, HE IS THE ONE TELLING HIMSELF how to get through the day. He can deal with things. He still worries about running out of ink, but now can say to himself, "I've got two more pens in my bag". He knows that things will be okay. Life is okay. In fact, life can be great.
And that little boy, who was so completely lacking in confidence, was last year's proud winner of his school history prize AND short story competition. Despite his dyslexia. It just goes to show what constant love and encouragement can do.

Hi Ali!
I read daily, but don't comment often. As a parent and an autism consultant...predictability and extra sleep will go a long way. School is just plain hard for our kiddos, but Simon has done an awesome job in the past and will again. Maybe he had too much fun this summer :) He also has a lot going on in his life right now: school, new baby, etc. Also, to get to the root of his fears I would try drawing. Comic strip conversations are great. You draw Simon and you or Chris and him getting on the bus and then in your bubble you put what you are thinking, "Simon is such a big boy and he's going to school to have fun..." Then you draw a bubble above Simon and say, "What are you thinking when you get on the bus?" or "What does Simon say?" It really works well with perspective taking and may calm his fears or be able to identify them more freely. Good Luck and I hope Simon has a wonderful school year!
Lisa

I have just started to read a book called "Sleep Talk" by Joane Goulding. It is about giving children positive affirmations while they sleep so they can be accepted by the sub-conscious which influences their thinking and behaviour during the day. It is very thought provoking and the affirmations are beautiful. Will be giving it a go!

I smiled about the white cat on the step.
Alec would want to take the white cat with him and at times we have let him (not the white cat, that would be Simon's). Usually he just needs to take his objects in the car so when school is over it is there for him to pick up and hold. Sometimes he needs to take it in with him and it goes in the guise of 'news', it sits on the news table but he can go and touch it if he needs to.

My son is typical and is an only. He's always been independent, so when he went to preschool, he didn't even want me to come to his room. I had to explain it was for me, not him. But as he got older, I found he did have fears, and his biggest school fear was fear of risk and/or failure. He is a perfectionist. For that reason, sometimes he wouldn't even try. Luckily we've had a couple of teachers who have been able to help him, and his dad and I try to show him that if he tries, he might get things right. He might not, but he learns something to help him the next time. And we've always reinforced that if he's really challenged with something, we'll always be happy with a try, whether or not he succeeds. As he's gotten older (now 14), it's gotten easier, but I have to say, that fear of failure haunted us from Kindergarden until 8th grade (at times). Just remind yourself that whatever that fear is, it WILL pass in time. Help your child and comfort them as best you can, and they will eventually figure it out or work through it.
Today's post was great - thank you for writing it. Although scrapbooking brought me to your blog, it's the perspective you provide on so many things that keeps me coming back again and again.

over the years my five children have come to trust that i would never take them somewhere and leave them for any length of time: school, camp, grandma's, sports, dance, etc unless i had faith that they wouyld be safe. given that today is 9/11 i am reminded of how i promised my young children that as i dropped them off to school. while they were shielded from what was on tv they knew something bad had happened because their high school aged sister was upset, i was upset and their car-pool buddy DID watch tv that morning. i told them that i would not bring them to school if i didn't believ that they would be just as safe there as they were at home. honestly, i thought the worlkd was coming to an end but i wanted to have my children distracted rather than cower in fear...i know, i am probably the only mom in amaerica who thought like that.
oh well.
today i deal with my youngest child's developmental disabilities and sensory processing dysfunctions which means his fears sometimes. the biggest way to handle them with him is offer consistency as much as i can in a household of 8 people. every night before he goes to bed he asks me what kind of day is tomorrow (school day, church day, play day) and i tell him. when he gets up in the morning he confirms with me what kind of day it is because it "could" change. knowing what kind of day it is seems to set the tone for him as he knows at least what kind of clothes he will wear and how fast or slow we must move in the morning. he craves predictability which is virtually impossible when he is one of 8 people in our family. i think to some degree he knows that so he expects me to share at least this predictability with him everyday.

My kids are confident in knowing they're children of God Almighty who is "bigger than the Boogie Man, Godzilla, and the monsters on t.v." (Veggie Tales).ha.
Somehow, that gives them great comfort especially in times like this when discussing a trajedy like 9/11.
We're always being watched over and protected by Him. :)
p.s. Thanks for sharing Molly's blog! I love it too!!!

My son who has PDD-NOS is the more hesitant of my two boys. I allay his fears with 2 things: a hug and a push. It works sometimes. Other times it's followed by another hug.

I tell my kids to imagine a blackboard in their brains (or in today's world, a whiteboard). I then encourage them to close their eyes and imagine an eraser erasing their fears or bad thoughts.
This strategy even works for grownups.

If I have time, I try to do a sensory diet and then talk to him. My Gabe always seems to be more "put together" verbally and then he can tell me (with some prompted options) what's bothering him, why he's scared, etc. Then we try and rationalize and pray to make things better. When there's only a little time, I like to give deep pressure hugs and talk. It's always amazing to me the fears he has, and how they grow so fast if not addressed!
Oh, for night time fears, we bought a lion pride toy, that has a roaring lion - seems to do the trick to scare the monsters away! Love that thing!

Lots of hugs!!! I talk to them and let them know that it's ok to be affraid and that sometimes I'm affraid too. I tell them to take it one step at a time and it will be ok.