Navigating To My Place
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Image captured at the Ace Hotel's photobooth : Portland, Oregon
After vacationing and then being sick this past weekend I am finally beginning to navigate myself back into my regular routines.
I'm quite the habitual creature. I like routine. I like structure. Even on vacation I like a loose structure. I like, when possible, to know what's coming next so I can adjust my expectations accordingly. I'm not fanatically structured, but I do like days that flow; days where I'm prepared and organized and on time. I also like making and crossing off lists.
One of the new routines I've added recently is taking Simon to swimming lessons twice a week. I've been thinking about my Mom so much as I pack his snack, gather his suit and towel, pick him up from school, drive him to the pool and watch him interact with his instructor. I think about her and wonder what she was thinking about as she did this for three kids, each just about 15 months apart in age. This whole process of snack-making is such an everyday activity. Did she embrace it? Did she mutter frustrations under her breath? Did she long for something else? Did she enjoy it? All those practices, all those meets and matches and games...all those moments packing snacks.
Lucky for me my Mom reads my blog and I'll likely get a call with an answer soon.
My Mom was a serious carpool/sport Mom and she was always big on being early/on time. I remember her telling me at some point how it makes life so much less chaotic and peaceful. She was so right and I have always been a big fan of punctuality and often enjoy the benefits of being early.
She was really fantastic at packing those snacks to fuel us through our practices and events. As I was making Simon's snack for swimming this morning I know I did it in a more consciously loving way as I thought about her and the gifts she possesses as a Mom. I've been thinking about the hours upon hours she spent driving us three kids between practices and schools and home and how she never missed a thing (except that one birthday - you know the one Mom).
Perhaps it's my own rose-colored memory, but I can't recall ever hearing her complain. I also don't have a memory of her being in a hurry to get on to something else.
It's been often throughout my own motherhood journey that I think about my Mom and the role she has played and continues to play in my life. I compare and contrast and often call to ask her for advice or suggestions with my own kids. I have a deep, deep love and fondness for her and the ways she interacted with, taught, guided, supported, instilled confidence, encouraged and loved us as we were growing up.
That Simon has gotten to know her as well as he has is one of the greatest gifts of my life.
I think I recognized I was lucky as a kid to have her for a Mom and now, of course, I know.
I started this post yesterday thinking I was going to share an entirely different story about my life right now.
As I was writing about how I'm navigating through the middle of a bunch of different projects, that image of me standing at the kitchen counter making Simon's snack and thinking about my Mom making snacks for us to eat between school and sports kept entering my mind.
I've given thanks many times in the past for my parents, I'm sure this won't be the last.
Sometimes stories come to me in this sort of way. They interrupt the path I was on, often unexpectedly as I write about something else entirely.
Today I encourage you be open to those stories that come to mind when you are thinking of other things or working on other projects. I invite you to get pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard see where it takes you.
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85 comments
Thank you for this lovely post and for the encouragement to let a story of our own come to us today. I also have a wonderful mom who will be 84 this year. I don't know how much time I have left with her and that sort of terrifies me! I'm finishing up a few assignments from Yesterday/Today (now that Cathy's DYL class is over) and I've sensed how much I've missed being in that place you took us, where I could pause and be aware of life. This post did the same thing and I can feel the mother-stories I need to tell, and probably even put in my YT album. Thank you, sweet Ali!
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Thanks for an absolute beautiful expression of your heart this morning, the picture is so precious of her and sweet baby Anna.
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oh...and that pic of you is so very cool...you know it captures me and how i see myself perfectly...beautiful yes to my father in heaven but a little worn on the edges from life, I would so love to capture one of me like that - how do you do it? You have had several pics of you with your camera, which is perfect for me, because I always take the pics and am hardly ever in them. not sure how you get them...if you can share how to capture myself like that i would appreciate it :)
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what a great post, well appreciated even from a non-mom.
I know how you feel about intending to write about something and ending up writing about something else entirely. I did a similar thing with a blog post I wrote earlier.
http://exilefromconformity.blogspot.com/2010/04/new-ink.html
I think I just intended to talk about the experience, getting the tattoo but wound up talking about how I feel about my tattoos, and myself. I love those surprises!
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Such an awesome post Ali! So heartfelt, just beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Lana
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what a beautiful story. Love how you are always in the moment and expressing the story of your feelings. Need to try and incorporate GETTING DOWN on paper, the stories and feelings that I experience each and every day. thank you so much for always sharing with us. have a blessed day!
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"your mom reads the blog so you'll get an anwer soon" That's cute.
Love your posts Ali, always so thought provoking.
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Love this! As I'm just starting out on the snack/sport/running around journey for this Spring/Summer, this is a perfect post to read. Thank you.
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Your openiness, wisdom and experiences must be comforting to many women that read your blog. You are performing a great service. Even though I am seventy years old, I enjoy and always feel better after reading your blog. Keep sharing.
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Lovely!
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Your post brought tears to my eyes, as sadly my relationship with my mother is not such a close and supporting one. You are indeed very lucky, and I love the way you recognise that and write about it so well. It's our responsibility as mothers to break any old negative cycles from the past and develop new healthy patterns to pass on!
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I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately, as well. Unfortunately, my thoughts and memories are not of fondness - more questions of why and how she could do what she did. As a first time mother (btw, your Anna and my son are about ten days apart), I find the love I have for my son is so strong I just can't understand my mother or her choices. I eventually want to tell the story of the lack of relationship, of the hurts of the past, of how her choices influenced me today (and the mother I have become - so very different from her). One day...
Thank you for the beautiful post. It's how I want my son/children to remember me.
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You just made me cry!!....and gave me hope!
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ALI,
I find myself at 46 years old still calling my mother every day for advice or "remember whens" regarding dinner, my son, me, anything and everything under the sun. That's just what mothers are for. And some of us, just some of us, are very lucky to get true-hearted mothers who let us grow and help us learn even as they let us screw up!
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I am now in your Mother's place. Believe me it is truly wonderful when you see the circle of life. My daughters bring me this joy. It could not be more rewarding. Some of us Mothers get really, really lucky.
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Thank you for your post, Ali. You are so lucky to have such a wonderful mom and your kids are so lucky to have you in their lives. I am a stepmom to two boys and there are days where it can be challenging. I get frustrated, tired and impatient. I will now pick myself up, dust off my knees and try to be a better stepmom. You and your mom are my inspiration. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of mothers.
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This brought tears to my eyes - my Mom was the same -never complained brought us to every practice, event, work etc - I am lucky too !! Thank you for the prompt - I have a new book in mind !!
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I wasn't even fully aware of what my mother did for me until I became one myself. Now, I understand her sacrifices and joys more clearly. I have such a deep appreciation for her now that I have walked in her shoes. I am also grateful to be able to call upon her for wisdom and advice.
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Ali, this is a great post. I am blessed to have my mother living with me. At almost 82 she is still my best sounding board. We are great friends as well as mother and daughter and that's such a blessing. I feel God has given me so much in having my mother with me. Thanks for that great post. I really like those pictures too. I see a lot of your mom in you both in your faces but more importantly in your way of doing things and in your heart.
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Very sweet memories....memories like that need to be written down to share so that its not lost...the care, love and RESPECT can be felt in your words...thank you for sharing it.
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