Yesterday was Report Card Day.
As a kid and young adult I always loved getting my report card.
I loved seeing how I did, what my teachers had to say, what little surprises my parents might learn about me and my behavior (which was almost always good with the occasional "talks too much in class"). I cared quite a bit about my grades - not obsessively - they weren't all A's - but they were good and I wanted to do well.
I was a good student. I loved school. Always.
(Okay, except those first two years in college. You couldn't really say I was a good student then but I definitely loved the experience.)
Getting Simon's report card is a bit of a different story.
When it's Report Card Day I encounter a mixture of thoughts and feelings:
THE CHALLENGING STUFF
Seeing anything having to do with standardized or percentage-based numbers. Ugh. Just ugh. Usually I look at it, make a couple mental notes, and then move on to the next part of the packet. For Simon, like many students with delays/disabilities/issues, standardized testing (or any kind of testing really) is a major challenge. More often than not the test results say so very little about his actual abilities.
For as much as I work on my attitude and perspective and acceptance and the bigger picture, it's still just hard to read about his struggles. I love him, the whole of him, and support and encourage him to do his best every single day.
THE GOOD STUFF
Getting to see where he's at with this goals. Each year at his annual IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting we, along with his teacher and his program director, come up with specific goals related to reading, math, writing, speech & language, and social skills. Most of his goals this year revolve around social skills, reading, and speech & language. His report card includes updates on his progress for each of those areas.
Anytime the teacher(s) include something personal. His speech teacher noted how "he comes to speech with a cheery attitude."
It's a reminder that things change and progress and get better and get more challenging and that's just the way it goes. Whatever is the biggest issue right now will ebb and flow into another issue. I find it actually helps me keep things in perspective.
He's doing just fine and is making forward progress at his own pace. We find ways to be proud of him every single day.
THE GEM
In addition to the "official" report card content, this was included in his packet:
The "M" next to "I enjoy reading." is one of the best things I've seen in a long time.
I got a little choked up when I came to that one.
This is the first year a form like this has been included with his report card. What I love about it is that it gives him a chance to be self-aware - to acknowledge which things might be more challenging for him and which things he's great at right now.
This is the kind of thing we hope for Simon.
That he can develop a love of reading and learning regardless of if he's performing right at grade level. That he can learn to recognize what he needs to work on and celebrate the areas where he excels.
The more confidence we can build in his own abilities the better equipped I believe he will be in the long run.
GO SIMON GO!
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173 comments
I am new to your blog. It was recommended to me by a friend, and I have found it to be a good recommendation!
I have a daughter (my number 3) who has significant speech and developmental delays. She does not have autism, but I found myself relating to your above post completely! My daughter is in Kindergarten and we have had years of IEPs that is for sure, and many more to come. She started in Early Intervention when she was 9 months old. It is always so hard for me to see how behind she is written out on paper or shown on some graph, and it is never the complete picture! I loved the way you stated your desire for Simon, that he would love learning and reading ho mater how it relates to his progress compared to grade level. I think I will adopt that attitude, thanks!
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Ali, you have the same thoughts and feelings I have when I read Josh's report card. Josh is now is high school and I still ignore the standardised testing and percentages and love for the growth from one year to the next and the teacher's comments. I too love the personal comments as it gives an insight into their personalities at school while they are being independent. It looks like Simon has done well this year.
Go Simon and Go Ali and Chris. It takes a village to raise a child and I'm sure you have put a lot of work into Simon was well as his teachers, therapists and Katie.
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I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said in this post. I go through the exact same feelings. This week has been especially challenging with my disabled son and his behavior. Reading your post helped put things in perspective- see his growth- and not feel alone. Thank You! pwsmom.com
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loved what you wrote. you brought me to tears.
go Simon go.
:)
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My son has autism too. I think I feel some of your ambivalent feelings when our report cards come out for Dominic. Fortunately, our district is moving away from letter grades in elementary, which is helping. I also teach, and the speech expert, who works with autistic kids, drew big circles in the air for me and said, "This represents progress for kids with autism. Two steps forward, one step back." Made me feel better.
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This was just what I needed to read right now. I have twin boys who are delayed in their development both cognitive and speech/language. It's been a real struggle trying to keep it all in perspective. I love them both with everything in me. It's just hard sometimes to keep all the things they can do and how amazing they really are in the front of my mind when all I heard from the professionals is negative. Thanks for sharing, you're writing is inspiring!
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A big fist bump for Simon! Dude! Way to go!! I know grown-ups that are NOT as self aware as you are. I hope you keep that ability until your a very old man. Once your really old like me (I'm 51 and thats REALLY old) then it won't matter, you can do what you like because your really old! I like that.
Mom and Dad know your working really hard and that it is tough for you sometimes. The older you get the more responsibility you have to do your work yourself without Mom and Dad nagging at you to get it done. Its just the rule of life. I didn't make it up. Kids for thousands of years have had to do this.
Now you know what to work on, and I bet that next report card you will have all "M"'s!
Rock on Simon!
Wendy
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This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart. I shall pray for you.
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"I enjoy reading": what music to a teacher's ears--as well as a mother's. I teach first-year writing at a small university, and I can't tell you how out-in-front the students are who come to us with this kind of attitude toward reading. Bravo, Simon! Brava, Ali!
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Thanks for sharing this. This is me. Because I always felt so proud of my report cards, I wanted to keep them. I struggle with what to do with my sons. I have a tendency to want to protect him, and am not sure i want him to see his. Ali-as Simon has grown older, does he want to see his report cards? Now, or from when he was younger? I never show my son's to him now. There are so many other strengths that they have, that don't show up on what they choose to score on. Thanks.
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Hi! Thanks for leaving a comment here - I honestly haven't looked at this post in many, many years. Now that Simon is in high school he does look at his report cards and is aware of what his grades are (he has access to them online via his school along with the printed copies we receive here at home). When he was younger we didn't really talk with him about them - just read and then worked on ways to incorporate what he needed to work on here at home too. We do talk about it now and he's at a level where he understands what we expect (do your work - try your best) and his accommodations at school have been appropriate (we've been advocating on that all along). He has personal goals and plans to go to a community college after high school. In grade school and even in middle school his actual grades were less important overall and were just used as an indicator generally of how he was doing - now they serve a bit more of a purpose because of where he is at individually. Does that make sense?
Yes, that totally makes sense! I guess they will eventually need to see where they are and what choices they want to make re: their future. A community college is what I've thought about for my son too, but we'll see where he's at later. Advocating for accommodations is so important, I totally agree. Thank you for sharing this, Ali. Appreciate your perspective so much, and especially on this.
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