Yesterday was Report Card Day.
As a kid and young adult I always loved getting my report card.
I loved seeing how I did, what my teachers had to say, what little surprises my parents might learn about me and my behavior (which was almost always good with the occasional "talks too much in class"). I cared quite a bit about my grades - not obsessively - they weren't all A's - but they were good and I wanted to do well.
I was a good student. I loved school. Always.
(Okay, except those first two years in college. You couldn't really say I was a good student then but I definitely loved the experience.)
Getting Simon's report card is a bit of a different story.
When it's Report Card Day I encounter a mixture of thoughts and feelings:
THE CHALLENGING STUFF
Seeing anything having to do with standardized or percentage-based numbers. Ugh. Just ugh. Usually I look at it, make a couple mental notes, and then move on to the next part of the packet. For Simon, like many students with delays/disabilities/issues, standardized testing (or any kind of testing really) is a major challenge. More often than not the test results say so very little about his actual abilities.
For as much as I work on my attitude and perspective and acceptance and the bigger picture, it's still just hard to read about his struggles. I love him, the whole of him, and support and encourage him to do his best every single day.
THE GOOD STUFF
Getting to see where he's at with this goals. Each year at his annual IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting we, along with his teacher and his program director, come up with specific goals related to reading, math, writing, speech & language, and social skills. Most of his goals this year revolve around social skills, reading, and speech & language. His report card includes updates on his progress for each of those areas.
Anytime the teacher(s) include something personal. His speech teacher noted how "he comes to speech with a cheery attitude."
It's a reminder that things change and progress and get better and get more challenging and that's just the way it goes. Whatever is the biggest issue right now will ebb and flow into another issue. I find it actually helps me keep things in perspective.
He's doing just fine and is making forward progress at his own pace. We find ways to be proud of him every single day.
THE GEM
In addition to the "official" report card content, this was included in his packet:
The "M" next to "I enjoy reading." is one of the best things I've seen in a long time.
I got a little choked up when I came to that one.
This is the first year a form like this has been included with his report card. What I love about it is that it gives him a chance to be self-aware - to acknowledge which things might be more challenging for him and which things he's great at right now.
This is the kind of thing we hope for Simon.
That he can develop a love of reading and learning regardless of if he's performing right at grade level. That he can learn to recognize what he needs to work on and celebrate the areas where he excels.
The more confidence we can build in his own abilities the better equipped I believe he will be in the long run.
GO SIMON GO!
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173 comments
Way to go Simon!!! Self discovery is amazing for kids. We teach them to be self confident and give them the tools they need in life. My daughter is Dyslexic and reading has been a struggle her whole life. Through some amazing teachers and tutors we have achieved success on many levels. Confidence was the highest achievement. If someone corrects a word she read wrong she can look them in the eye and say "thank you, I'm dyslexic". To know you have a disability and be able to quit hiding in the corner of the classroom hoping no one will ask you to read out loud is huge.
Do they have to work SOOO much harder than other kids...YES! Are there tears and frustration from the kids as well as the parents...YES! Is it all worth it...YES!!!! Will they be great at everything...NO. Do they meet the standards set by schools today...NO. Will they be great at what they love
...ABSOLUTELY!!! Will they be successful in life...ABSOLUTELY!!
I was told by an amazing teacher to find the one thing your daughter loves and run with it. Let her be successful at what she is good at, encourage THAT! The rest will come. That was the best advice I ever received. Acting, drama and dance have given her something to be good at when everything else was falling apart. Celebrate the small victories each day (which you do SO well) for those will end up being the BIG things in Simon's life.
Tonight we will attend High School Preview Night for Freshman. She will enter her Freshman year with a 4.0 achieved through hard work, determination, and a lot of tears along the way. We came through it stronger and able to tackle anything because we know what hard work is all about. Will there be bumps in the road...yes! Are we ready to face them...ABSOLUTELY! And so are you.
Hang in there. Way to go guys! You ARE making a difference one day at a time.
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I absolutely LOATHE standardized tests!! My daughter has always struggled, especially if a complete stranger is giving her a test. She has had issues with reading but this year (5th grade) she found some books that she absolutely LOVES to read. They are not in her grade level but I am beyond happy that even after struggling she has been able to enjoy reading. I bought every book in the series that I could find!
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I so totally agree with your feelings about standardized tests. In reality they give us very little information about our specials needs little people. The self-evaluation form, on the other hand, is great. How wonderful that Simon is able to do this self-evaluation. I know you treasure every step forward.
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Thanks Alifor yuor insight. You are so lucky to have a school that wants to work with yout instead of fighting the flow.
My 18 year old is struggling in college right now. Especially in English - the core basic. I know he can do it, but his struggles with the writing and reading is shattering all the confidence we built up in him the last year of High School, (He has a reading/writing processing difference),even with the resource help and free tutoring. Right now he is refusing to talk with us (me) since last night. Back to the grunts and shrugs. There is so much in life he enjoys doing, New things he's learning that he enjoys. I hate to see this one part defining him right now and I can see he can't see past the obstacle.
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Your posts about your children, especially Simon, get me every time; I love reading them. Your and Chris' love and devotion to Simon and Ana are so evident and just pour out from your photos and words.
Success should be defined differently by everyone because it is different for each individual. I love how you acknowledge the challenges but really focus and celebrate the successes.
As a former teacher and current mother of two young children I admire you and how you parent. Thank you for continuing to share your family's journey with us; it's very inspiring.
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Awesome.
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Great Job Simon!!!
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Ali - just want to say that while I admire you in so many ways for your creative talents and skills, one of the things I appreciate most about you is your obvious care in being an involved and dedicated parent. I can't help but think that if all children could experience what you provide Simon and Anna, the world would be a much better place. Thanks for making our world better.
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Well Ali, I just wish I could give you a hug. My son didn't like reading until college, I was ALWAYS THE smartest kid in class and it just about broke my heart! But now he's presenting his first academic paper at a conference and writing a chapter for a book and JUST STARTING his PhD -- reminder -- in Neuroscience for Education! My husband teaches 5th grade (in case you forgot which Queen Mary this is) and he has FOR YEARS had his kids come to the parent teacher conferences. It started out as a way to make sure parents and teacher were on the same page -- with some hilarious side stories -- like the kid last year who said his baby sister tore up his homework, which surprised his parents at the conference because they were unaware he even HAD a baby sister! But what has happened is that the kids actually do start to realize where they are not meeting My husband mainstreams kids with learning differences, so he's had his share of interesting learners, it's all a growing process and we all grow at our own pace. You know if the butterfly tried to come out of the cocoon too early, it would not be a caterpillar OR a butterfly, it would just die. So patience with cocoons is always a good idea! Much love to you guys, Mary
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Spectrum or not, we all find it harder to watch our children attempt success that when we went through it ourselves. LOVE his self-assessment. You have lots to be proud of, mama.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ali Edwards, Lea Kelley. Lea Kelley said: Love this post from my non-teacher friend about the parent's perspective on Report Card Day http://t.co/2m8U7ay [...]
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I also love when report card day - it's such a great way to find out how our kids are doing in school, to celebrate their successes, and find ways to make what may seem like failures more like challenges to overcome (and celebrate when they are overcome!!). I LOVE the idea of the school including Simon in understanding what he is good at and where he needs improvement from his perspective. What an awesome tool to help a child grow!
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Dear Ali - fret not. After years of IEPs, mediocre report cards and countless distressful notes from teachers, my darling son is graduating from university in May. We have had to push, cajole and edify his bruised ego along the way, but he is almost done. And, his accomplishment is most significant because he did it in four years as planned, self-motivated and alone in a city that he never came to like. The irony is that many of his gifted, high-performing friends are preparing for a fifth year of college because they dropped too many classes in the process. You never know how they're going to surprise you.
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Ali, I love how you are so open and honest with your feelings and your struggles with Simon. I feel certain that you are helping other parents who come here to read about all the creative things that you do, and receive the added benefit of how you personally cope with your own issues when it comes to Simon, and they realize that they are not alone in their struggles, that they, too, worry about some of the very same things with their own child/children, and that it's completely normal to have the feelings they are feeling. I am thrilled to see that Simon likes reading. As the daughter of two librarians and the mother of a son who was reading at a 12th grade level by the time he was 10, I would encourage you and your husband to read aloud to Simon as much as possible. If you are already doing this, I would recommend adding even more reading-aloud time to your schedule. As much as you can truly schedule. It will make a world of difference down the road. Blessings to you and please tell Simon "thank you" for making me smile today!
P.S. When he reaches 4th or 5th grade, track down a copy of "The Pushcart War" by Jean Merrill and read it out loud! It is simply wonderful and Simon will LOVE it!
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I can't help but think that Anna has taught Simon a lot of empathy. I love reading about how loving he is towards her. I can't help but think his social skills are improving! (at least it appears that way to me :)
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I was a little choked up for you too - its great to hear that he loves reading too - so many children don't!
WTG Simon!
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Hi Ali,
I want to share with you a cartoon that is the teacher's bathroom at the school where I work. It is 5 different animals sitting in front of a "teacher". I think it is a lion, penquin, goat, fish and bird. The caption reads something like..."in the interests of fair assessment we would like you all to take the same test. Climb that tree!" Sums it up beautifully don't you think? Well done Simon.
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That self-assessment sheet is a true treasure.
Your post comes at such a time—we're on our way to testing today...
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Awesome! Love this post! That is my outlook entirely! It's so nice to see it there in black and white! Some days it is easier to hold on to than others, but reading this reminds me how important, rewarding, necessary and wonderful it is! Thank you for being that voice! Congratulations on how far you have all come!
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After all these years (twins are 21 - with autism) I still get a knot in my stomach when I receive the papers with the goals and treatment plans for my children. I can totally relate to this feeling that you as mother have when you are faced with the 'challenges' that your child has, written down in black and white.
Sometimes it feels to me like a slap in my face.
Today I also received a set of papers - opened the envelop but still have to read and sign them... Even with all these years it does not get easier.
But somehow I always find the strength to deal with it anyway! Although it might take a couple of days... :-)
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