Simon's Chart
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Two weeks ago Chris initiated the creation of a new chart for Simon.
I'm pretty sure the catalyst was a conversation we had while sitting in the driveway after visiting a middle school for Simon (that whole process is another story for another day). We were talking about structure, attitude, hopes & dreams, fears & frustrations, screen time, etc. The chart idea was originally brought up by a psychologist that we (and Simon) met with last summer - he encouraged a similar chart to establish a set of norms and rewards. We worked with it for a bit and then got distracted.
Basically, we let it go. And things were okay.
Fast forward to today and I'm thankful to Chris and Tiffany for taking the time to create and get a new chart going. This one is more specific than the previous one and deals more directly and concretely with screen time as a reward. The other chart had rewards like legos, pool time, new books, etc - all things he likes of course but not really as motivating or immediate.
The goal of this chart is specifically to create structure around screen time. Screen time (tv, computer, video games) is a big topic around here as Simon's definitely a fan of tv, movies and computer/video games. There's definitely a secondary benefit around teaching responsibility, respect, sharing of household duties, establishing clear expectations and routine (which we know he loves already).
The chart looks like this:
Keep in mind when looking at the chart that these tasks are very specific to Simon. Some are more relevant to Chris' house than my house and I'll be adjusting some of the tasks to reflect what needs to be worked on at my house (like feeding the animals).Anna's going to get a chart too and her responsibilities and extra credit tasks will be different from Simon's.
The chart includes a list of daily responsibilities that are simply non-negotiable things he needs to do each day. He needs to do them to even "qualify" to earn screen time. Some of these things he does daily already without complaint and others are a daily struggle.
The second list includes the ways he can earn screen time (with a max of two hours per day).
What we've learned in the last week and a half is that he's really motivated to earn screen time (feel like I should write "duh" here).
What I've noticed in just a week of using the chart is that he seems more present, more in tune, and more willing to do daily tasks without complaint. He's also eating non-preferred foods with less complaining (he's been doing much better in general with trying new foods, but it's still a big part of our daily dialogue and is anxiety inducing for him).
Last night he ate steak, roasted Brussels sprouts and peaches with minimal complaints. He fed the animals without me even asking him first - he saw the clock said 5pm and he knew it was time for them to eat. When he completes a task he goes over to the chart and puts a smiley face in the appropriate box.
I definitely still need to monitor the time he actually spends in front of a screen but this process has given us something concrete to turn to - something he understands because he can see it, read it and comprehend what needs to be done to earn time.
The lessons for me? Keep trying. Don't give up. Ask for help. Documentation and visual lists are great for Simon (again, not something new to me but I needed the reminder and, humbly, for someone to take the initiative and make it happen).
Go Simon, go.
EDITED |You can download the Excel version of this chart for customization here.
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91 comments
Ali you inspire with your words.
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My ASD son also is heavily into 'screen time'. I was already starting to worry about summer being spent with his face in a screen. I think I will start this soon and see how it goes!
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Love this idea, and so happy it's working well for him!
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Thanks so much for this post Ali! We've had more than our fair share of charts over the years, and I've been thinking we might need to implement something again. We also still have screen time issues and I have to admit that it's easy to let it go too long before addressing it. Thanks for your generosity in sharing the excel file. :)
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Great idea! We have being using an IPAD schedule app but I think I'm going to try this. My ten year old son with Aspergers is getting to a very hard stage with trying to limit his screen time. He loves video games and gets an hour to play when he gets home from school, before he starts homework. The problem I have is the handheld games like his DS. How do you monitor that. He plays a lot in the car etc. This week has been harder because we are on Spring Break in a hotel room, and off his schedule. Anyone with ideas?
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We've been including everything electronic in as screen time - ds, ipad, my phone, tv, computer, etc. Before this he would just move from one to the next unless someone was right on top of him and he would complain every single time. I've just been saying no. Period. And reminding him that he has more time for tomorrow and giving suggestions of other things - go ride your bike (the weather has been better), play legos, read, walk around in the yard, etc. I think the more they get used to not having another screen to turn to the more he seems to be finding other ways to occupy his time. This week he has been coming home and doing his homework first thing - I've always let him have a break and watch tv when he gets home as a way to decompress. Both yesterday and today he came home and did his homework + his 30 mins of reading first before doing anything else. I think vacation weeks (and to some extent weekends with me) are more challenging and should be more fluid and flexible.
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Apologies if you've shared it in the comments. How does the reward work? Like 20 smilies for extra half an hour of screen time next week? I need to implement something like this but at loss at the specifics.
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It's actually listed right on the chart - he has to do the things on the first list to even qualify to earn screen time. From the list on the bottom he can choose to do any/all to actually earn 30 mins of screen time (with a 2 hour max per day). If he reads for an additional 30 minutes he can earn 30 mins of screen time. It's for screen time the next day (that's how I'm approaching it - you could make it for the same day too).
All kids are different as are situations and family norms - for some kids that might be way too much and for others it's a fraction of what they would do without some limits in place.
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Our son has to turn his mechanical kitchen timer on, BEFORE he starts his screen-time.... otherwise he loses that turn. He gets that responsibility. He also has to stop immediately it goes off, after the agreed daily time.... otherwise he loses tomorrow's turn. Definitely a parenting struggle of our times!
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Well done for sharing, it's hard when we have the obvious pointed out to us to not take it as criticism and then fall in a heap of guilt because we didn't keep up at something. Every half-term (English) I embark on time with the kids after school not just playing but doing some homework etc and it never seems to embed for the whole period...
I have been encouraging my eldest away from the screen but maybe I need to insist rather than encourage, inserts duh here :)
Thanks, again.
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Wow, great idea Ali. Hugs to you and your family, looks like a winning idea for all to me!
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this is EXCITING!! Go Simon and way to make it real AND being patient!
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Thank you for sharing these parts of your life, Ali. Raising children is such a challenge and I am always eager to find systems that work. I just want to say that I am in awe of how you and Chris continue to do what's right for your kids. As a child of divorced parents that didn't, I have so much respect for the two of you. Your children will be grateful to you far in the future when they realize how hard that must have been at times.
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Ali if you ever wonder if your a great Mom this is a perfect example of yes you are!
And I know Chris is part of this but you to have done the right thing by putting the children first in a difficult situation. I have always believed that children only need one good parent not two halves of one. You and Chris have changed that believe, you both put Simon and Anna first and it shows in the love you both have for them. I love seeing the children grow and how open you are about things, makes me love you even more! Can't wait to see you in November for the trip to China!
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Thanks for sharing this Ali! So awesome. Go. Simon. Go! WTG Momma too! Take care you,
Suz
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Thank you for sharing this. I am struggling with screen time and daily tasks with my soon to be 7-year old son. I love your idea. I cannot thank you enough!
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Thank you so, so much for posting this. I have a six year old son on the spectrum and a typically developing four year old boy and have been wanting to implement something like this for both boys for a while now. This is so helpful. Thank you again!
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Thank you for sharing. My son is 8 years old and we could definitely use this type of chart for similar reasons. Have struggled with what the chore chart should look like for an 8 year old and a reward structure. Last year we just started the school year with no TV during the week, wish we had started that this year. We have put off the electronic devices up to this point but this might be a good way to introduce them once we have put this in place. It's funny how we have to be reminded that kids crave structure but it is so true. Again, thank you for sharing.
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Ali, this is great! Thank you for sharing.
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First off...He has such great eyelashes! What a lucky kid! It always seems like the boys get those beauties! Congrats to you and Chris for working so hard to still both be present and committed to Simon and Anna. What an example you are to many out there. As an educator, I have seen firsthand the difference it makes when both parents are dedicated and can set aside personal differences for the benefit of the child. I am sure it may not always be easy, but I am so impressed with both of you for seeing the big picture and putting your children first! Inspiring!
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This is a great chart and I think I will be modifying it for my son who loves screen time too! thanks for sharing and Go Simon Go!
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Ali,
That is so awesome and exciting! My son is ADHD (on the more severe end of the spectrum). I totally understand his need for structure, his resistance for change and his motivation for screen time. This has always been in the back of mind to do, and humbly, like you, I needed this "push" to make the move to get it going. I am motivated by your positive results to create this type of visual aid and motivation, hopefully with less complaints and huffing, to do daily tasks and try new things. Thank you for the "push"!!
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Good luck! One day at a time always :).
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