Seeing.

Ali, those pictures are awesome! I can't wait to see how you scrap them!
And on the eating out thing...that's a toughie, my Draven is only 15mos, so we're still able to keep him somewhat entertained, but I love some of the ideas that the ladies above have come up with. You will definitely have to let us know which ideas work for you! I know I'll be keeping some in the back of my mind for future use! :-)

Ali, Taking a kid like Simon (or Benjamin) out is rough, even when they get older. One of my best pieces of advice is to find a place you typically do well at manipulating, then make it a favorite. This means you know the escapes and bargaining tools. It means that the people who work there begin to know you and can help you. I'm talking long term here. In the end what Simon will learn is proper (well age appropriate) behavior while eating out in a fairly friendly environment.
Wednesday night for us is Skyline chili night. We've had dinner there nearly every Wednesday for 5.5 YEARS. They know so much about us, our drinks are always waiting at "our" table. Benjamin has progressed to sitting at the bar up front alone. When he is done eating he works around the store (sweeping floors) for quarters for the vending machine or mints. The waiters and waitresses are great about helping him learn his boundaries, because it wasn't always as great as it is now.
There are also times when it's not so great. Remember what happens in daily life gets in all our hair... Just make sure the place is fairly low key - no fine dining thank you - kid friendly (Wednesday is Kids Eat Free Night at Skyline here), and most important, that they offer something Simon can eat!
Best of luck!

The portable dvd player someone above mentioned is a great idea if there is a particular video that seems to mesmerize them and keep them quiet. I also think that it is important to work on dinner behavior at home. It builds a consistency of expectation. If kids are trained to remain seated and quiet at home during dinner then they aren't caught offguard when out of the home. It also prepares small children for when they go to school and eat lunch in that environment.

Hi Ali,
We "play" restraunt at home once a week to give our children an idea of what to expect. We get out the napkins and the appropriate dinnerware eg chopsticks for chineses food etc. My children are 10, 7 and 4, no autism just active kids. They love this game, they talk about what they should do when eating out, the older two are great when we eat out now, but the 4 year old still does some of the things you described Simon doing. I am sure they will outgrow some of these behaviours given the right examples to follow, and for any of Simons special needs, just use strategies that you are comfortable with. We all have to learn how to eat out. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job parenting, just trust your instincts.
Cheers
Joc

Als,
first of all you are a rockin parent! Your love for Simon is so apparent, in your work and on your blog. I am lucky, I know you personally and know this to be true.
You are not alone! I have 4 teenagers none with disabilities (that have been diagnosed) LOL they have been going out to eat their whole lives and still can missbehave! So be gentle on yourself! You are doing a GREAT job! You are new at this! Simon is new at it too! Every time you go out try something new...don't give up!
Love you girl!
Love
kiss kiss
m

wow you have probably had heaps of good ideas by now but here is what we do..
We eat early
We take Alec's food with us or see if they have anything suitable before we go
We take some train track from his take along thomas and a few trains
Right now he loves our local chinese restaurant, after he has eaten he will get down and put his track on the floor and play or he wanders around and talks to people, we go to smaller palces to eat as large spaces over stimulate him and he ends up shrieking.
We also tell Alec when he gets up in the morning and prepare him, he doesn't do well when you spring things on him and if he knows he will talk about it during the day and get excited about going.
In the next few weeks we will try an Indian restraurant, while Alec wont eat he does love to take part in the ritual.
I am all for giving latittude, I know with Alec he just doesn't understand the social requirements for going out, I will direct him away from doing things that would ever damage him or property, I always have to remind myself that I just can't say "Alec get down" it has to be "Alec get down from the chair you might fall and hurt yourself and it isn't our chair and you may damage it" I will say it 10 times but it is an action and as everything for him is a learned behaviour unlike Riley who you can say "Sit down!" to he does it because mum says don't. Since we now know why he does things I have actually become more relaxed, he will do strange things, he stares at walls and always has a Thomas the tank engine tucked under his arm but he is teaching me so much.

I have three young kids including 3 year old twins so we came up with an idea that works for us a few years ago (when the now 6 year old was young). I bought little backpacks at Walmart (think maybe 8x10 in size) and filled them with fun stuff - mini notebooks, crayons, stickers, matchbox cars, necklaces (for my daughter), plastic animals, just fun little stuff, etc. These backpacks are kept in the car and NEVER are allowed in our house - they are ONLY to use when we go out to eat (so they are always like new toys to them). Not sure if that would help you but I thought I'd pass it on. We have similar bags for church since....we have the same problems there!! LOL :) Oh my - some day I'll miss this stuff, right???!!! :)
We also do TONS of take out - MUCH less stressful on everyone!! LOL :)
Good luck.

My friend, Barb, has an autistic brother. I remember his parents bringing him to EVERYTHING when she was younger, though he made noises throughout. She loves him incredibly (he's her BROTHER), but there were a few times I think she'd have preferred he stay with a sitter for the EVENT, and then just join the family at home for the AFTERPARTY (her graduation day comes to mind...she truly wanted a day where all the focus was on her). Often, we took him with us on our high school jaunts, if we were just going to fast food or something...or we let him wander the mall with us. Those seemed to be easier times to hang out with Johnny.
Incidentally, he was specifically invited to my wedding, and everytime I heard him during the reception I SMILED to know that I was surrounded with ALL of the people I care about.
I agree with the person who responded, above. It depends on the event. If it was GRANDMA's birthday, why not ask her what she prefers; dinner out while Simon stays with a sitter, then a return home to cake and ice cream with Simon and the WHOLE family, or just picking up Olive Garden or Applebee's to go and doing the whole celebration at home?
And keep this in mind...most people with four year olds who don't have any special needs, STILL have trouble with kids sitting still in restaurants. Maybe it's not the autism...maybe it's just his age?

Ali, you are such an awesome mama! I love your post about Simon, you can really feel how much you love him! Wonderful. Up until about two years ago, my son is now 8, we really couldn't take him to restaurants. We knew learning how to behave in a situation, like a restuarant, would come in time. We choose to just take baby steps with him, we just would try every once in a while, enjoying every moment! Praying for you and your family, God Bless!

We try to eat at 'kid friendly' places mostly. Loud and busy places seem to work best. I always have a purse full of little toys for him to play with. Saving some for later in the meal for when he's done eating and we aren't. We also seem to make several trips to the bathroom to break it up. I Spy is a fun and quiet game, too. Sometimes he does really well, and sometimes he doesn't. It's hard to go to fancier places now though. There's always more pressure when you are with people who aren't used to kids, but luckily we're mostly with my parents who are used to his antics.
Does he like to watch TV? We have one of those Video Now Jr's and Maddox loves it. We used it a lot last year. They use special discs of all the fav cartoons. Are built a little tougher that dvd players. Only like $40 now. Perfect for those emergencies!

Oh...and we usually let him get up and walk around us if we're in an area that allows it. I remember loving to stand next to my parents.

I just stumbled apon your blog and this entry was there. Having Sean, my autistic son, the best thing you can do it treat them exactly like you would treat other kids. Not exposing them to those kinds of situations can make it harder in the long run. But having fun stuff for them to have is definately a plus! With Sean, we do everything with him that a typical child would do and some of it is really really hard for him, but I have noticed that the more we bring him out, the easier it gets for him. hope this helps!

Ali,
I think this is one of the biggest struggles I have as a parent. Half the time I am sad inside and wish the world would adjust to Ryan (my guy) and the other days I wish and hope and dream that setting "normal" expectations for him socially will somehow help him adjust better. I think it depends on a balance. We are fortunate that Ryan actually likes restaurants (he is not on Gf/cf diet) . Things that helped Ryan adjust to restaurants originally were the 7 million pictures I cart around everywhere and my "bag of tricks" as I call it. Whenever Ryan has a schedule he is calmer (not calm) just calmer. I think the biggest thing with these guys is to respect their sensory needs while engaging them in "normal" activities.
ie small walks, picture schedule (maybe a time timer?)
tons of fidget toys (Target has a great selection in their toy aisle (light up, squishy, etc) and then sometimes we have a move and sit cushion (you can get these at a exercise store or a weighted blanket or animal for him (to ground him))
The most important thing Jon and I believe is that as a family we made a commitment to not stop living as we did because of the Autism HOWEVER we recognize that he has needs and try to adjust accordingly within those situations. If it is too much in one particular situation (and that happens alot) then thats when we change our plans (or practice):
a.take him there during lunch (if open) when it's less busy
b.go again and you might be surprised
c.before going to a rest. for the first time sometimes I've been known to go early and let him explore alittle
d. write up a social story about what we are doing, where we are going, why, who, when, etc.that you can refer to discreetly in the restaurant
Hope this helps some, Know that you are NOT alone....
PS. Wish I could download a pic to comments..he he
I have the EXACT some pic of Ryan at the childrens museum (in the water of course) in Providence!
What is it about them and water????

We struggle with this too, and alex does not have special needs. He's just 3 1/2 and i think they are all like that. It's been hard during the holidays with lots of guests and people wanting to go out to eat. We will decline any slow restaurants...and for buffets and faster serving places... we'll pack his little backpack full of activities and try to keep him occupied.. but it only lasts so long ya know? And it's just never relaxing or very fun for anyone i think. Simon is normal! Let's just hope they all grow out of it soon! :)

just in any situation there isn't a right and wrong, not trying is limiting your childs possiblity for growth and what our world forces on them as "normalcy" Forcing something when its not working leads to angry frustration. You must walk a tight rope line of adventure and familurity. Just like in adulthood, their might be something we should go to but we aren't feeling well so we have to weigh the importance.
Best of Luck

Ali-
Inside yourself, you know the answer you are most happy with. Go with your gut. Don't worry about what other's might think. Simon is a child, first and foremost and you are trying to establish a normal routine, so go with the flow.....In your words: Be Organic, chick.
Seriously...it sounds like you guys are doing a great job with Simon. Just remember to treat him as you would any other child. I worked with children and adults with mild, moderate and severe Autism and we always talked about treating them with respect and like anyone else. No 'kid gloves' just because they had Autism...they were in society just as much as we are in society.
So, ask yourself the typical questions:
1-Is it important to you?
2-Is it important to him?
3-Is it bothering you?
4-Is it something you'd do or not do with any other child?
5-Is there a limit? (Like when you said he could stand, just not run away).
For #5- If he understands that he has a consequence if he does not obey you, then relax and go with it, but make sure to use a consequence if he disobeys. I.E. Simon, you are to stay right here. If you leave this area, then you may no longer stand and will have to sit and wait for us to finish.
HTH...
hugs-
Peg

Ali--Love your blog! My son Jacob is 6 1/2, diagnosed Autitic at age 20 months. We don't eat out a lot in our daily life, but we do vacation a fair amount and we refuse to miss out on events and get togethers with family and friends just because Jacob is "different". I only have a few suggestions to add to the pot:
1)Jacob loves looking at scrapbook pages of himself, so I scanned in some of his favorites and printed them out as 4x6's and put them into the little photo albums. Presto--mini scrapbooks that help keep him entertained. Since he is starting to really talk and name things, this has added new activities for him (what's this? what color is this?)
2)We sit in a booth whenever possible and try and put him on the side that does not have neighbors. We check out the floor underneath the table, and if it's clean we let him climb under when he needs a break or a change of scenery and let him take a flashlight or a light up toy. Our legs serve as a barrier from him escaping. We get some strange looks for this, but it allows other diners to eat in peace when he starts to get loud.
3)Take shifts. This is true for restaurants and other people's houses. We sit together at the table to order, and we ask for Jacob's food to come as soon as possible, and one of us orders our food to be served 10 minutes after everyone elses. If he gets antsy before the food comes, we take him outside and walk him around. Whoever eats first, enjoys their meal and socializes without guilt. Then we switch. We still get to spend time with dinner mates, and we're not stressed trying to keep him occupied when he's reached his "done point".
4)When it's a special occaision for our older son (7 1/2), like preschool graduation or a school pagent, we get a babysitter. That way, Brandon is the focus of our attention, we're not stressed, and I'm free to take photos!

Ali, you ask the hard questions. My son is 13 now and has been diagnosed with aspergers for about 5 years now. I still ask that question every day...what is he capable of and how much should we accomodate his differences on a daily basis. The bottom line is, we go back and forth, always remembering that he has to learn to live in this world, so we make accomodations when we can and at the same time, try and teach him what's expected in the "real world". I wish I could tell you that you'll figure it out one day, but by its very nature, autism is hard to figure out - next time it'll be a new situation with a completely different set of concerns.
The other thing I would say, is try not to let what other people say (or the way they can look at you) influence your parenting.
You are doing a great job with that little boy. He is blessed that God chose you guys to be his parents!

Dear Ali,
When you talk to Simon's teacher, ask her about sensory integration exercises. Sometimes you can give children "heavy work" that balances out the overstimulation of the environment.
Also, when you talk to him, be confident that he can do what you are asking of him. In fact, it might help to follow your instruction or request with, "I KNOW you can do this, Simon."
But you shouldn't worry...he's just a little guy in a big world!
Gina

Sounsd like Simon was a very good boy at the restaurant- and honestly, his behavior sounds like exactly what I would expect from any child. They don't like restaurants, they don't like sitting still, they like to run around a bit. And it sounds like you coped very well. Just find restaurants that serve your food very fast, eat quickly, and put aside all thoughts of leisurely dinners with stimulating conversation until you have a sitter or he gets older.
Seriously, what you described sounds absolutely normal. Maybe your expectations are a bit high for a 4 year old if you felt he didn't do well, it sounds to me like he was great. Try looking at other families with kids that age to see the range of normal behavior. You're doing great!