Yesterday was Report Card Day.
As a kid and young adult I always loved getting my report card.
I loved seeing how I did, what my teachers had to say, what little surprises my parents might learn about me and my behavior (which was almost always good with the occasional "talks too much in class"). I cared quite a bit about my grades - not obsessively - they weren't all A's - but they were good and I wanted to do well.
I was a good student. I loved school. Always.
(Okay, except those first two years in college. You couldn't really say I was a good student then but I definitely loved the experience.)
Getting Simon's report card is a bit of a different story.
When it's Report Card Day I encounter a mixture of thoughts and feelings:
THE CHALLENGING STUFF
Seeing anything having to do with standardized or percentage-based numbers. Ugh. Just ugh. Usually I look at it, make a couple mental notes, and then move on to the next part of the packet. For Simon, like many students with delays/disabilities/issues, standardized testing (or any kind of testing really) is a major challenge. More often than not the test results say so very little about his actual abilities.
For as much as I work on my attitude and perspective and acceptance and the bigger picture, it's still just hard to read about his struggles. I love him, the whole of him, and support and encourage him to do his best every single day.
THE GOOD STUFF
Getting to see where he's at with this goals. Each year at his annual IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting we, along with his teacher and his program director, come up with specific goals related to reading, math, writing, speech & language, and social skills. Most of his goals this year revolve around social skills, reading, and speech & language. His report card includes updates on his progress for each of those areas.
Anytime the teacher(s) include something personal. His speech teacher noted how "he comes to speech with a cheery attitude."
It's a reminder that things change and progress and get better and get more challenging and that's just the way it goes. Whatever is the biggest issue right now will ebb and flow into another issue. I find it actually helps me keep things in perspective.
He's doing just fine and is making forward progress at his own pace. We find ways to be proud of him every single day.
THE GEM
In addition to the "official" report card content, this was included in his packet:
The "M" next to "I enjoy reading." is one of the best things I've seen in a long time.
I got a little choked up when I came to that one.
This is the first year a form like this has been included with his report card. What I love about it is that it gives him a chance to be self-aware - to acknowledge which things might be more challenging for him and which things he's great at right now.
This is the kind of thing we hope for Simon.
That he can develop a love of reading and learning regardless of if he's performing right at grade level. That he can learn to recognize what he needs to work on and celebrate the areas where he excels.
The more confidence we can build in his own abilities the better equipped I believe he will be in the long run.
GO SIMON GO!
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173 comments
How great to read your thoughts. I love hearing about Simon and your insight makes me a better parent. Your insight fits into my life and I love you for it. We may not have hardly anything in common at first glance but parent struggles can be felt across the board and the way you are able to express it helps me every time.
I struggle with celebrating my children for who they are and not comparing and helping them to be their best. One is very smart and struggles socially. The other is more casual about school but remains a happy sweet soul. The contrast can overwhelm me. Thank you Ali.
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Sometimes "handicaps" are actually just the opposite. There may be a "standard" to which one expected to adhere too. I wish more of education was targeted toward helping an individual be challenged at their level.
Think of the child who easily gets all A's... it is easlily; check, check, check... and it's all good. All the while failing to actually see the child.
I have children on both ends of the spectrum. One of my boys could read when he was 4... anything you put in front of him. Everything was easy for him on "grade" level. Children get little notice or challenge to be the best they can personally be, in a way very overlooked.
It may seem strange to be saying this, lucky kid, How dare one "complain". However my heart aches for this boy. It was all just so easy for him. "HE" was seriously lost in it all. No, work on this, strive for this etc. It took little effort and felt so meaningless to him. Self esteem comes from being the best self YOU can be, not from some standard. He has never found this.
I wonder what he could do if he had found that challenge, The "person" is developed in striving to be the best you can be. True self esteem. It is only when you have to apply yourself to acheive something that it strengthens you and helps you grow. Every child should have this in the education system, regardless to where they fall in the spectrum!
How beautiful Simon is seen for who he is and has a place to develop to be the best he can be. What a blessing... He is challenged in being who he is. The self is not lost in the shuffle, he is seen.
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Nancy,
Thank you for bringing another part of the spectrum that is often overlooked as "not needing any help" into the conversation. These kiddos, too, need to be challenged. They, too, have emotional and social needs that need to be not "just met" but fully cultivated.
Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one who thinks this way. I don't have kids of my own, but have worked in preschool/childcare/parent education settings since I was a senior in college. Anyway, it has always been my opinion to completely get rid of "Grade-level". Every child should be in a subject class based on their level of understanding, not their age. I feel kids learn more from learning from each other than what they are taught by a teacher. The high level kids need to be challenged out of their comfort zones to work for higher-level thinking; while those who find a subject challenging are also noticed and get the extra attention they need to succeed and move on to the next level. Standardized tests should not be the basis by which a child's intelligence is measured. Sorry, stepping off soapbox now.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that the most important thing a child must learn is to know themselves. Not some standard of achievement. It is only then they can find their place in the world and their human spirit can thrive. I love the way Ali sees this in life and nurtures it in her family and in her "outreach" to all of us through her work!
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Ali, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for this post!
Simon is going to be the most awesome adult thanks to the support and guidance and love you are giving him now.
And it seems that your school system is set up to help him, too.
I hope all districts all over the country learn to appreciate what their children are good at and encourage them, rather than worry about how their testing scores might be interpreted against other systems'...
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"That he can develop a love of reading and learning regardless of if he’s performing right at grade level." love this.
Love it when you talk about Simon. It's soooo good for me to hear this stuff.
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Simon, you have so many web friends in your corner!! Does he have any idea what a fan base he has??
Anyway, just want to add that standardized testing is awful, just like no child left behind. There are so many ways of learning and testing rarely reveals the true picture of ANY child. I have a dyslexic child w/other issues who was SPED and had an IEP, and a non-dyslexic child (i will not say "normal", cause what is that anyway?) I just despise testing and grades even. Love that self assesment sheet. Go Simon Go is right!!!
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Oh, Ali. This got me a little choked up too. My boys are way past this (10th + 8th grade...gulp!) but I remember the first time they came home with self assessments....I loved it. This brought back memories. I appreciate your honesty!
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Thank you for sharing such a personal insight into your life. You are SO not alone. We are there with you. I've always told my children that what mattered most here was the grade in effort. I have always loved knowing that while my child is not a "cookie cutter" child, she is happy, respectful, hard working, and sweet. I could not ask for more. I am the one that is blessed by this sweet, sweet soul. Blessings to you, your family and sweet Simon.
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As a teacher, we often get caught up in the numbers and data that go into recording and reporting to parents. Thank you for the very sweet and heartfelt reminder that there are parents and people behind those numbers! It's always been a part of my practice to help kids self reflect (I teach 5th), even to the point where we have goal notebooks this year where we are graphing and reflecting on our goals every week. It makes such a HUGE difference when the goals for the kiddos are accessable to them, and are ones that they had a say in setting! YAY Simon!
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I totally get it- having a little one with autism....it's definitely a love/hate affair with the report cards...
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Ali,
Thank you much for sharing this story about Simon. I too was s child who lived to please my teachers and parents. I rarely got into trouble, and always had an above average report card. Now that I am a mother of an 8 year old girl who struggles with social skills, pragmatic language, and has a learning disability, I find myself feeling like I failed... She too has an IEP and receives speech therapy and has fallen well below her grade level on her standardized tests. We received her report card yesterday, and I've learned to find joy in the small successes she has had over the semester. Hearing your story has made my day as this struggle can sometimes be very isolating. Thank you for warming my heart.
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Thanks again for sharing your experiences with Simon. My son Logan has many things in common with Simon, and it always does my heart good to hear that we are not the only ones dealing with the challenges and triumphs that come with having a kid who isn't like the rest of the crowd. Logan is so brave and tries so hard, and we celebrate his successes at every opportunity. He is a great kid, and I can see Simon is too. And what a good big brother! Logan has a younger brother, Matthew, who is 5, and I look on with amazement at the two of them figuring out their places in our world. Sometimes it's quite a struggle, but other times they bond together and you can tell they'll be ok. Hang in there with all you've got going on, and thanks, always, for being an inspiration on so many fronts.
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I'm not a parent, but I'm so grateful for the love and just good common sense you and Chris bring to Simon. As Andi said, we'd ALL be much better off if everyone could encourage their kids and work with them as much as you do. Simon is truly blessed to be in the family he's in, and you're exactly right - if he can find his way to be happy in this world, to keep feeding his curiosity and learning. you'll have done just fine.
I'm not expressing very well what I want to say -- just that I admire you and Chris a whole heck of a lot, and I think that your sharing so much about your journey with Simon HELPS so many people, as we've seen here today. Moms, teachers, aunts, whoever we may be, we love these kids and want the best for them. You shine a light on that path.
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I see the word "light" in this post, Ali. Perhaps this is a new perspective on your OLW.
Thank you Kim - I want you to know that I teared up as I read your comment.
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Ali, I read your blog everyday and always come away richer for having done so. Your honesty is so astounding - so great in todays world where I find so many people determined to create this idea that their world is perfect and that they have all the answers! Something really resonated with me today - where you said that there is an "ebb and flow"...That is so true! I have a teenage girl who is a freshman in high school and really trying to find her feet in a school of 3000 kids. I have to say that I so admire my kid because I would not go back to high school in todays day and age if you paid me!! There are days when the pressure of homework, tests, projects not to mention the minefield thats is the drama of the social side...are just alot for a 14 year old and there are alot of tears! As a mom you want to solve it all..and you can't. But today you reminded me that there is an ebb and flow...that tomorrow will be different. Thank you Ali!!
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GO SIMON GO!!! What a terrific kid. :)
The standardized tests don't mean much in the long run. He will find his place in the world, and he will do well. And I totally second what a previous poster said: Go Mom Go! Ali your attitude inspires us all.
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Love todays post and I will be telling my SIL to read it she is a teacher to autistic children. My daughteris a Senior this year and I have to say taking those test everyear was difficult, she is very intelligent mostly an A student but those test would scare her so much that she would get sick during them literally break out in hives and sometimes vomit that I would get a call from the school to come and talk to her and calm her down it always broke my heart. High School years have been better but she still stresses and worries but she no longer makes herself physically ill over them. Simon has the best support system his family and to a child that is what matters the most! Way to go Simon on loving reading!
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As a former teacher, I could only wish that all parents could be as caring and smart as you are. You are doing a fantastic job. Pick your battles and celebrate every "little" step.
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How wonderful that you sat down and put all your thoughts together immediately. I wish I did things like this more often. I too really like the self-assessment tool. Obviously I don't know Simon but from the way you describe him on your blog and the photos you include of he and Anna, it appears to me that he is doing fabulous!
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You are officially my superhero!! Not only do you create beautiful things every day (and teach us to do the same), but you're an awesome mom, too!
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. My son is on the spectrum, too, and about 6 months younger than Simon. I love that you share that part of your life with us. I hope I'm giving my son the same amount of patience, love, support and guidance that you and Chris are giving Simon. He's one lucky boy!
This was truly a beautiful and meaningful post. ~Jen
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Wow - i loved your post. I'm experiencing such a similar situation but the "good" report card is coming from an older sibling and my little one is the one struggling with academic progress. It's hard to watch one excel so quickly/well and another struggle. (yet they both get the same level of support at home) Your post reminded me that testing or assessments will never be an accurate gauge of his success. He is a unique wonderful little boy that is progressing just fine and I love all of him - every little bit. Wow - now I'm crying. :)
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I'm waiting to hear if my son may be autistic - the assessment is next month. Because I've been following your blog for a couple of years, and was already familiar with some of your experiences, I've resisted the urge to panic about autism because I see how brilliant Simon is and his progress. I can't thank you enough for sharing such personal details and expressing how scrapbooking keeps it all together, Deb xox
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You are so welcome Debbie. These are really, really amazing kids with so many different levels and abilities and things to celebrate.
If you ever need a little supportive pick-me-up send me an email :).
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