Yesterday was Report Card Day.
As a kid and young adult I always loved getting my report card.
I loved seeing how I did, what my teachers had to say, what little surprises my parents might learn about me and my behavior (which was almost always good with the occasional "talks too much in class"). I cared quite a bit about my grades - not obsessively - they weren't all A's - but they were good and I wanted to do well.
I was a good student. I loved school. Always.
(Okay, except those first two years in college. You couldn't really say I was a good student then but I definitely loved the experience.)
Getting Simon's report card is a bit of a different story.
When it's Report Card Day I encounter a mixture of thoughts and feelings:
THE CHALLENGING STUFF
Seeing anything having to do with standardized or percentage-based numbers. Ugh. Just ugh. Usually I look at it, make a couple mental notes, and then move on to the next part of the packet. For Simon, like many students with delays/disabilities/issues, standardized testing (or any kind of testing really) is a major challenge. More often than not the test results say so very little about his actual abilities.
For as much as I work on my attitude and perspective and acceptance and the bigger picture, it's still just hard to read about his struggles. I love him, the whole of him, and support and encourage him to do his best every single day.
THE GOOD STUFF
Getting to see where he's at with this goals. Each year at his annual IEP (Individualized Education Program) meeting we, along with his teacher and his program director, come up with specific goals related to reading, math, writing, speech & language, and social skills. Most of his goals this year revolve around social skills, reading, and speech & language. His report card includes updates on his progress for each of those areas.
Anytime the teacher(s) include something personal. His speech teacher noted how "he comes to speech with a cheery attitude."
It's a reminder that things change and progress and get better and get more challenging and that's just the way it goes. Whatever is the biggest issue right now will ebb and flow into another issue. I find it actually helps me keep things in perspective.
He's doing just fine and is making forward progress at his own pace. We find ways to be proud of him every single day.
THE GEM
In addition to the "official" report card content, this was included in his packet:
The "M" next to "I enjoy reading." is one of the best things I've seen in a long time.
I got a little choked up when I came to that one.
This is the first year a form like this has been included with his report card. What I love about it is that it gives him a chance to be self-aware - to acknowledge which things might be more challenging for him and which things he's great at right now.
This is the kind of thing we hope for Simon.
That he can develop a love of reading and learning regardless of if he's performing right at grade level. That he can learn to recognize what he needs to work on and celebrate the areas where he excels.
The more confidence we can build in his own abilities the better equipped I believe he will be in the long run.
GO SIMON GO!
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173 comments
I love the included 'self-report' report card. I may just have to steal this idea for the 3rd nine weeks. I'm teaching a 1/2 blended class and just sent home report cards last Thursday. I put a lot of time and effort into the comments section because I felt there's so much more that needs to be said about each child that a few subject grades don't always say. And from a teacher's standpoint, it just feels good that people notice and appreciate those sorts of things.
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Hi Ali, thank you for sharing. My son just started pre-primary and I can only begin to imagine how a report card can cut to a parent's heart. As an encouragement I'd like to mention that I've met a lady who's son is on the spectrum. He is currently a third year accountancy student at Varsity.
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I have followed your blog daily for so long and rarely comment but had to today. I have a 9-year-old and feel all of your above mentioned feelings at report card time too. Expecially the "P" for speaking in class. It is sometimes SO hard to back away from those numbers {in Puyallup it's a number system} and realize the true situation. Peyton rarely misses a single word on a spelling test, but that is never recognized or 'counted'! It helps me to know that other moms experience the same frustrations.
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Thanks for finding the "special" in Simon. I wish all report cards were like the last one, because if it is not valued by the student it won't change! Thanks! Life is not just about academics it's so much more!
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Ali, thank you for sharing from your heart. Simon is indeed fortunate to be in your family with such love and support. As a mom of three, I too dreaded the report cards and the IEPs. My daughter, who is smart and has such a good, loving heart, always made horrible scores on the standardized tests. She will get her degree this summer to work as a recreational therapist - she has such a heart for those who are often overlooked. Another child who struggles with dyslexia and who had years of speech therapy (they stopped it because of lack of progress) was asked by one of his professors the other day if he is majoring in broadcast because of his enunciation. I still hear the 'r' being struggled with, but he came home glowing because of that question. All three kids are in college, but I'm most proud of who they are, not the grades they make. Standardized testing is not a true indicator of what a child knows or what they have the potential to become, it just shows how well they take tests under pressure (this mom's opinion).
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"Standardized testing is not a true indicator of what a child knows or what they have the potential to become, it just shows how well they take tests under pressure (this mom’s opinion)."
This so sums it up perfectly. I was searching for the words, but now I don't need to.
As a special ed. teacher, I don't like standardized testing for the simple fact that it does not show the progress we've made this year; the learning, growing, and success that has taken place. Instead my students 'success' is defined by this one-time snapshot, and if they fail, our school fails. I often wondered what it would be like if every student had an IEP so that education was based on what each individual student needed for their own personal success.
Ali, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It is comforting to know there are parents like you and Chris out there. Phyllis, your story reminded me that children will grow up and find something they're successful at no matter the struggles in school.
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I used to dread the report cards too. I know he will not be up to grade standards in some subjects and I'm okay with that. I used to not be :) You should have seen me in the IEP's. We do modified state testing as well. I actually look forward to the communication log from the para daily. It always has a little note like yours did about raising a hand or playing with someone.
He is 10 and it will always be hard but we focus on life skills more than academics right now. He is a whiz at reading, not comprehension, simple math, not when it changes. His memory is awesome. Plus he is into guitar right now, Van Halen mainly! So we thought why not expand on his intense interests and get him lessons! He really wants to rock like Eddie!
I'm glad to read about other parents who struggle with the report time too. We don't know a lot of parents yet that have kids on the spectrum.
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I so love that he's into Van Halen!
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I totally understand where you are coming from . . . My youngest son is in 1st grade and his father and I already somewhat dread report card time. It is so difficult to hear that your child is struggling in any way. My son has speech and language delays, is a struggling reader and writer, and his social skills are somewhat deficient for his age. Not technically autistic, but some similarities . . . but I agree that hearing the positive comments is SO rewarding because you KNOW the amount of blood sweat and tears that was required from everyone in order to make that positive change happen.
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Mom sent some stuff home with me and included a couple of report cards . . . funny, I thought I was smarter back then!! Talkative. Talks too much. Hmmm . . . sounds like another story for "Yesterday & Today"
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Very cool, Ali! Thank you for sharing your story (and Simon's story too) so honestly, both the ups and downs. Hearing and seeing your story does my heart good as both an aunt to a very special niece who has been diagnosed with autism and as a special education teacher working with students who have diagnoses on the autism spectrum.
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Well done Simon, and well done to you and Chris as well. I think you are all amazing.
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I will be attending my 15 year old son's IEP planning session for 10th grade next week. It seems like such a short time ago we were starting the whole process, changing from a Catholic to a public school to get more help, hiring a private tutor. School was easy for me, I was and am a reading junkie and it tore my heart to see my baby struggle so much just to identify the letters....in first grade. But here we are now, reading at grade level, doing better at writing, and excelling in physics! Guess that dream to be a "robot scientist" that started at age 5 isn't so far fetched after all. And the best part, every teacher always says my son is curteous and respectful. I make sure my son is well rested and well fed for standardized testing day. Tell him to do his beste. And then I just don't even give it any more of my time/energy. Those things are just so useless if you learn and test outside the box. I think Simon is very lucky to have you and Chris as parents. And I can't wait to see where he lands in his very bright future.
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What an amazing post to share. Like so many others, I am choked up too. How wonderful to see Simon's contribution to his reporting to you. What great successes and achievements for him to recognise and share. Well done Simon :-)
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It is so wonderful to read your post today, it is just what the doctor ordered. You and Chris have done such an amazing job with Simon and he is such a unique and wonderful creation. He is doing great and He will continue to follow his path and get there because of the support that you all give him.
We always struggle with the typicaly ratings and working with Brody's team (he is on the spectrum and Simon's age) - he is a wiz on the computer, loves books and they have told us he is savant in puzzling and memorizing items with a glance, we know he has grade level comprehension but it is difficult to get this teachers (he is in a cluster program) to keep him interested and we seem to be doing more and more at home because they can't keep him focused at school, we are encouraging the use of technolical tools more with him because it is such a driver but it seems to be a forever battle. I am amazed at the things that he does with photoshop, final cut, imovies - so drives him and fasinates him - I am in awe and hope that we too can get him to a good place where he can be what he needs to be. I know one day he will get there. Some days are just more difficult and this one has been one of them.
But just wanted to say thanks, your post today just reminds me of how blessed we all are to be given the gift of nuturing these very special little boys!!
God Bless
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This was a great blog today. As a teacher it reminds me to be very positive on report cards with ALL students, no matter how much they are struggling. They are still kids and we love them! I always try to stay positive. I love the self checking lists too. Thanks for sharing this.
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I teach seventh grade English and read your blog religiously. I have a twelve hour work day today - conferences. I'm missing my own four kids (ages 13, 10, 8, and 2) and had a little break between conferences, so I checked your website. Loved this post and your perspective. It touched me and will help me get through the rest of my long conference day. I love the kids I teach and love my job! Thanks for the inspiration and pick-me-up!
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Awe yay for you and Simon!!!
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thank you for sharing these very deep emotions. We have a 46 year old ADHD(he came a long way before all the initials). We have walked this road. I pray daily that Simon is Happy and reaches the highest level possible. I Pray that you and Chris continue to have patience and knowledge that you are doing all you possibly can to support Simon. God Bless your family.
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Ali,
I loved this post! I've been a teacher for 11 years and teaching students to be self-aware and able to assess themselves is something that I value over many of the things that I am required to teach. My husband and I just had this conversation over dinner tonight. If I am able to help my students analyze and evaluate their efforts, their work, and how fix/address the challenges and determine strengths, then I feel like I have prepared them for the real world. Kudos to Simon's teacher and to you and Simon!!
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Ali,
I am so proud of you. My son too is an amazing guy, struggling with adhd/inattentive. He is such a smart guy and becoming more self aware. I'd love to see how he'd fill out a self report. Its more important to celebrate success and build on strengths than focus on a number.
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Sigh. All I can say is enjoy this time, Ali. My son is now in high school--9th grade--and there are not very many bright spots. The teachers say the right things, and he tries so hard, but it is very difficult for "un-ordinary" kids to be successful. He is smart and capable, but he is a round peg that the schools really want to fit in their square hole, and even though it seems like they are trying to help, well--they really don't get it. High school is really all about the grades and the test scores. He is our third child so we have shepherded kids very successfully through high school before, and it is so frustrating to see him struggle and become so discouraged. I hope Simon has a better experience. He will need all the confidence you can give him.
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