Structure & Schedules & Expectations.

Just remembered a CD you might be able to use for Simon's picture schedule. It's called
"Pics for PECS CD." You can find it in the Beyond Play catalog (www.beyondplay.com in the communication section.) It is basically 1000 Boardmaker pictures commonly used in early childhood (food, classroom items, playground equipment, etc.) Would be awesome for choice time activities on the circle part of your schedule. Just a thought! :^)

"get off your ass" will now play in my head each time I am in the middle of a LO and it really is dinner time:) Thanks Ali.
kellicrowe

looks like the "get off your ass" club is getting bigger...(let's just hope our actual asses don't get bigger)...thanks for the kick...you're great...

Wow! I have never thought about the evening family schedule as really being "my" schedule, but you are right! What interesting insight and definitely something to think about....
I hope that the picture schedule works for you, Chris, and Simon. Hopefully, it will become a habit and part of your normal schedule.

you are so right. Something I struggle with daily. Why is it that everyone can't just follow MY schedule? :) Because I'm their mom...here for THEM. Thanks for the reminder...

3 years ago, I was a teacher in a room for young children with autism. I'd taught early childhood special ed for 5 years and thought I knew what a schedule was and how to follow one. Nope, I wasn't anywhere near structured and routine. How I hated it and how it had me in tears. But by the 3rd year, I'm wondering how I could have ever done anything different! You'll end up loving it. It is more work, and does require more planning, but it's what Simon needs to learn to be flexible. So you'll do it.

Ali - I don't comment all the time (or really much at all). Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts as you struggle through this. No autism, but a second child who needs his structure and can't deviate from it without severe consequences to those who changed it (me). Course I was suckered in by that first "go with the flow" child! lol! Keep at it...sounds like you are doing a great job!

You are doing an awesome job - you're a great mom (((hugs))). We are a family that thrives on schedules, so it's hard for me to go with the flow when it's needed. I like the picture schedule and I hope it all falls into place for you guys soon.

From me as a mom...don't be so hard on yourself. From me as a teacher...THANK YOU for setting Simon's schedule (a little wiggle room is ok too!).
I've gotten on my soapbox lately about multi-tasking, over scheduling, etc., however, my rants are about the extreme. Kids get a sense of security in knowing and thrive when expectations are clear. They will test boundaries to the point of consequence...just to make sure they can trust. In Simon's case, a schedule is what helps make sense of all the noise...it's like a life raft, or a favorite blankie...and maybe not just for Simon.
I've said it before, you and dear hubby are doing right by your little guy...I wish other parents would step up to the plate as you have.

Ahh structure... schedule.. I was so good about that when the kids were babies, and now I am not as good. We do have a great night-time plan - dh is the instigator and leader of this - and it works! I feel selfish a lot, too - who doesn't want some me, time?

Me too. Going to get of my ass and make summer fun for my kids. No more winging it here either. The kids grow up too quick. Thanks for putting it out there!

hi ali ~ just was thinking of you and simon as i was reading a CK and looking at your mud paint art LO. you give simon everything he needs ~ don't be so hard on yourself. love reading your blog.

Oh Ali, I just made my way here yesterday after hearing about your blog some time ago. Speaking of schedule my online time is somewhat limited. So, I start reading about Simon and begin to realize something's not quite right so I go back to the beginning. Dread, shock and sadness reading about Simon's dignosis. It hurts to know that Simon will be challenged by many things that should come easily to him, that come so easily to other children. It hurts to know that you and Chris will have to see him struggle. Because you love him so much you will do the tough schedule and the tough diet to help him.
At the same time, seeing all of the charming photographs of Simon--pure delight. Reading about his accomplishments--joy. Does Simon's challenge change the affection I've some to feel for him through you and the scrapbook pages you have so generaously shared with us? Not one bit. He's still the same sweet, adorable little dude he has always been.
As for schedule, you are not alone. I think just about every parent has experienced that "get off your ass" moment at one point or another. All children benefit from structure, Simon needs it. Think about how many changes you have been through in the past several months and how much you have had to absorb and learn. Don't be too hard on yourself for not getting a more structured schedule in line before now. One thing at a time.

Hi Ali!!
I totally hear you 100%!! Actually I often feel that way about Sean. With his Autism, I feel like he craves a schedule more so than anyone else I know. And that is the tough part---especially on the weekens! I (try) to get up around the same time and such, but often it changes from week to week, and Sean gets thrown off. So, I am not inspired to make more structure for Sean.
Best!
Pam

That's the true secret of parenting. Giving up what's best for ME, or at least what I like best, and doing what's best for THEM. Which is why parenting is character building. Kids don't get a lot out of it. But the parents always do. You're doing a great job too. -E

Here's the thing - with some kids being on your schedule may have worked. You are now realizing that for Simon you need to readjust. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong, you are just doing what every parent does and discovering what works for your child. The fact that you are willing to do this is what makes you a great parent. My kids are a little older, and I can tell you this process never ends. All you can do is be open to making changes as needed.

Hi, Ali. I think that you are right on the nose about all parents and parenting. I know that half of our schedule is MY schedule and that the other half is for Michael (my 3 year old son). I have found that when I do things that work best for Michael, they work best for me in the end. Example, if I need to leave a party early so that Michael can have a nap, I can be assured that I will have a happier, more easy going kid in the evening. Michael is a normal 3 year old, so we have good times and 'challenging' times.
I hope that you remember that those of us who don't have autistic kids sometimes have to get off our asses and do what's best for them versus what's best for us.
I love reading about how you are learning to help Simon be the best Simon he can be. It helps me to be a better mommy to Michael. Thank you so much for sharing.
Stacie

My Asperger son is in the 5th grade and I have to say the whole schedule issue is the number one issue we have had at school each year. When trying to find teachers we always stress that they must be structured and have a some-what set schedule. Unfortunately, the teachers that say they are structured sometime really aren't. I find that if I go into a room and observe for a half an hour I can pick the teachers that will work for Sam and those that will not.
On a positive note, Sam needs a lot of structure at school, but as he has gotten older needs more of a "free" schedule at home. I think it also has to do with needing down-time after a whole day at school. I usually tell him the things that he needs to do - feed cat, take shower, practice trumpet and let him schedule it for himself.
Good luck - I love reading about your son because it reminds me of my own journey when my son was diagnosed when he was little.
Susan

Oh, Ali! I so so totally agree with the "get off your ass" theme :) I just read your message about the whole "my" schedule thing and it hit me that that is US! We have four boys, 9, 6, 4 and 4 months and let me tell you, schedule is nearly non-existent in our home. My DH works and is in school and when I do work, it throws things off even more...what was that? A schedule may help things??? HA, I really needed to read this so that I too, can get off my ass and remember that SACRIFICE is part of parenting and maybe those laze around the house days are something I should do OCCASIONALLY instead of CONSTANTLY...
Tina
Oh, and I totally love your work!!

Oh, and I forgot to mention the sports issues :) What is is about a basball night (first year little league...go Yankees!) that throws us off so? And meals...some day (I say to myself as I chuckle inside!)
Tina

Hi Tara.
Well I for one say GO WITH THE PICTURE SCHEDULE, it is your friend. Girl at age 3, we took a PICTURE BOOK with us everywhere we went. IT had favorite pictgures on velcro with a "sentence strip" on the bottom. It WAS hard to adjust our lives for Seth (as we already felt we had done so much b/c of Matthew's ADHD) but alas BOTH boys need routine, period. I had to learn too. Well believe it or ont SEth's FIRST SENTENCE came at 3 1/2 and he used his STRIP
Picture "I want"...Picture" coke"..
HE said I WANT COKE. I gave him coke......the rest is history. HE used that thing for a year, then it all just DEVELOPED. HE's 5 1/2 now and NO NEED for a picture schedule here, ALTHOUGH I DID IMPLEMENT it again when he needed to be potty trained. I use da picture schedule in the bathroom and he was trained at FIVE Years old. NOt ot say Simon won't train sooner; some do later. IT's all irrelevant. BUt girl.....I'm so happy for you in the sense that you now have direction and KNOWLEDGE IS POWER; it sure helped me feel like *I* was helping and doing something
Good luck and keep us posted.
Sherri Winstead

I know this is an old post, but I have to comment. I could have written this post myself, and I just wanted to say THANK YOU for posting your real, true feelings. You are so positive all the time, and your blog has been such an encouragement and inspiration to me. God sent you(r blog) my way!